My Comfy Escape

Something to make you smile....

2011-11-10T19:44:00.000-08:00

Notorious B.I.G. Stops Baby from Crying - Watch MoreFunny Videos

It's sucking the life out of me...

2011-11-09T21:09:00.000-08:00

Peter Pan had it right. No, I don't mean the tights and living with a bunch of little boys..I mean never wanting to grow up. Me either! I want to stay home, read, write my blog, and play video games with my husband. Is that too much to ask?

Being a grown up blows!
That is all!

I love surprises!!

2011-11-08T16:14:00.000-08:00

When it comes to surprises I am like a kid at Christmas..I love them!! I should clarify here....I like chocolates and flowers on a regular day and friends from out of town coming for a last minute visit...those are good surprises. Bad surprises would be...the baby is not yours....it's syphilis...shit like that!

I had a little bit of a (good) surprise at work this week when I discovered that one of my co-workers is a several times published author. I know what you are thinking...yes..I am totally jealous of her! She is totally living my dream right now..well except for the fact she works in the same shitty job I do....but besides that fact...I am totally green with envy!

She writes in a genre that I didn't even know existed, but me being the open minded Gadgerson that I am...decided to give it a shot. The genre can best be described as Paranormal Gay Romance. She writes from the point of view of a male witch who has a steamy ongoing love affair with a vampire. There is mystery, murder, intrigue and lots of passion...the long and short being...I am totally impressed with my co-worker's talent. So impressed that I am going to plug her books even though she doesn't even know I have a blog and probably will never find out. The author is Lissa Kasey and her books that I am enjoying at the moment are called Inheritance and the sequel which was just released is called Reclamation . I realize that this may not be for everyone, but for my open minded, adventurous and yes my gay readers....you may just discover something new to love.

Well...I hope you haven't all forgotten about me or moved on to bloggers who actually...ummm...blog, but if you have I guess I can't say I didn't see it coming. I hope to be back in full swing one day. No promises though..I just do what I can. Love to you all!! xoxoxoxo

The Gadge

RETURN? FAIL!!!!!

2011-09-08T05:55:00.000-07:00

Why the fuck did I sign up for NaBloPoMo to start the same weekend I was moving?!!! One... I had no computer!! Two..I had no interwebz.....do I really need to add that I was fucking MOVING?!!! The FAIL is definitely with me...lol. Oh well. I may not have done the first 7 days of the month..that doesn't mean I won't try to do the rest of the month. I find the theme too fun to pass up. TTFN

I shall return!!!

2011-08-27T17:21:00.000-07:00

Once again..it's been a while blah blah..you already know all of my excuses so I will spare you. I think I am ready to try my amazing juggling act again (why not I am woman...and all that shit...) so I am signing up for NaBloPoMo and the theme for the month is RETURN. How fitting. So, I'll save my long winded ranting for then. I hope to see you all back here on September 1st. Thanks bitches! xoxoxo

When Cougars Attack...next on NPR

2011-03-14T06:31:00.000-07:00

   There are several reasons why I have repeatedly turned down my coworkers invitations to go out on Friday night, none of which are that I am a prude who doesn't like to party (If you're new here just search Thirsty Thursdays on my blog and you'll see what I mean.
   The reason I have said no is many reasons, but the gist is...they are my coworkers not my friends, and I don't trust them (most of them).
As if to prove my point is valid, they all came in Saturday morning (my Saturday to work) and told me about the awesome fun time they had at the bar and the funny shit that followed several rounds of drinks later.
   Like in every office, we have a Meridith. Actually...we have several. If you don't get the reference...watch the Office. She's the 40-50 something white female who is an alcoholic and hits on everyone when she is drunk....which is all the time. Our Meridith's, I'll call them M1 and M2, were the topic at the cooler for sure.
What do they have in common besides being middle aged and lonely?.....they both only go after black guys when they are drunk. As I know my very smart readers know, not all chocolate is created equal. These women seem to think that there is no difference between dime store chocolates and Godiva. In other words, they don't care what the guy looks like....as long as he's black. Now, I have a healthy appreciation for some fine chocolates myself, but the quality of cocoa I work with...is severely lacking. This of course just makes the story funnier to me.
   So, Friday night M1 and M2 were at the bar along with about 20 other coworkers of mine. M1 proceeded to buy round after round of drinks and tried desperately to make out with a very sweet, not handsome at all...not interested in her at all...coworker.....I'll call him Swiss Miss. In the mean time M2 who is 50, tried desperately to go home with another one of our very sweet guys (Cocoa Pebbles) from work who is married and also not cute at all!
   In the mean time, our Pam and Jim (also the Office) disappeared for 45 minutes inside the women's bathroom....nothing wrong with that...they are consenting adults...sure one of them are married, but I'm sure everything will turn out okay there (If you are not following me here...look up sarcasm).
   Meanwhile the Troll (I call him that because he likes to say things just to get a reaction from people) and Swiss Miss are hanging out and making fun of M1 and M2. The Troll is teasing Swiss Miss asking if he's gonna take M1 home or not. Meanwhile back at the bar, there are some text messages floating around. One of my good friends (who I will not name at all) accidentally intercepted one such text when it was sent to her by mistake from M2 instead of it's intended victim...Cocoa Pebbles.
   Cocoa Pebbles was able to make his escape while M2 was in the bathroom, at which she was livid when she came out and saw that she had been ditched.
   The questions on everyone's mind this fine Monday morning...Who will show up today?...How will they look anyone in the eyes? Oh yeah, and, When and Where will the next office outing be?

          Happy Monday everyone!!!

Same shit/ different day

2011-02-21T15:36:00.000-08:00

   This is getting old. We have a had a total of 74 inches of snow so far this year here where I live in lovely Minnesota and it just keeps coming. The awesome news is we sometimes have snow storms as late as April and even May...I get to experience this awesomeness for months to come!! YAY!!
   I told the Stud today that I want to move somewhere else, and I mean it. Yes it's beautiful here for the three weeks of summer that we have, but that's not really worth it to me.
   That being said, any suggestions for awesome places to move?

Winning Friends and Influencing People

2011-02-20T15:07:00.000-08:00

I AM FUNNY DAMMIT!
No seriously...I am... To me I am anyhow. I can't help it if these douche bags I work with have no sense of humor. Everyone's all, "you can't say that....you'll get fired....EO violation...you may hurt someones feelings...blah blah blah." Seriously America!!! When did we all become such pansies?
   Examples you ask?...OK. There is this lady who I work with...she is the cat lady, but I will refer to her as the Crypt Keeper, anyhow CK is loud...I mean LOUD!!!! Everyday I walk to my cubicle and dread having to listen to her all day long.
   Her job is customer service basically..she is dealing with people and she wants them to talk to her without hanging up, but her approach to that is to be as rude and LOUD as possible. When she calls someone and they answer she yells, "HELLO? HELLOOOO!? HELLOOOOO?" With every moment that passes without them saying anything or hanging up, she gets louder and louder and louder.
   The other day she screams into the phone, "Sir, do not yell at me!!" At which the entire floor just died laughing. No one will say anything! I want to tell her to shut her old hag whorish mouth, but apparently I can't talk that way...what the fuck ever!!
   Mind you..this is just one example of my frustrations with having to censor myself...I have many many more, and I will share them if you want to hear them. For now...much love! xoxoxoxo

Hello.....hello?.......is anybody still there?...

2011-02-19T09:38:00.000-08:00

   Two months...it's been two months since you have heard nary a peep from The Gadge. Forgive me? No? Well fu......fine.
   I feel like my life has been taken over by someone else. A really boring someone else who never has time for anything fun. It's just work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sex (ok so some fun stuff), sleep, work....day after day after day.
   When I do have a day off, I am doing things I hate... like cleaning, cooking and doing massive amounts of laundry. AAGGGHHHHH!!
   This is a 3 1/2 day weekend for me so I am stoked to finally have some time with my family (I have a hot date with The Stud later), and I finally have some time to catch up with all you lovely bitches.
   The PLAN:...I hope....is to get on here at least once a week. I hate what corporate America has turned me into, but I assure you that I am going to fight the machine and try like hell to keep my kick ass, foul-mouthed, winning personality alive and well (in cyberspace at least).
   I am going to start a weekly update called The Office (original I know) and share with you some of the awesome characters I work with **SPOILER ALERT** there is a cat lady and an alcoholic....just like in every other office in America! In addition I will try to update at least one other time a week. Assuming, of course, that anyone still reads this shit.
   Well, if any of you are still out there and you read this...I love you!!!...and if you were searching for a new mattress or a vacation and came across this instead....I apologize. Much love. xoxoxo

It's ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-12-04T12:59:00.000-08:00

   I can't believe I went a whole month without writing anything. I am trying to catch the spirit again, but so far I still feel a bit like a zombie. Everyday walking around aimlessly...looking for people with brains in their heads (no luck there)...no real motivation or drive other than getting through that particular day. I guess you can say, I am a bit depressed.
   The good news is, I finally got a job and I should be starting that soon. For now I am keeping my banquet serving job and I may decide to keep it forever so that I always have that to fall back on.
   The other good news is that The Stud and I SHOULD be moving out soon. We are currently looking at a townhouse to buy. I clearly don't have a lot to be depressed about...I guess I just lost that loving feeling..at least when it comes to my love affair with the internet.
   Maybe someone can help me find it again?

Things that make you say.....what the f@#%!!!

2010-11-07T18:19:00.000-08:00

I know I know...I have been AFK for a few days. There has been a lot going on, but mostly I just needed a break from the blogging world. I am still lacking any real motivation to start again so instead I decided to show you a very funny video of a girl humping a door at her office...too bad she got caught on camera and now the whole world knows she has splinters in her hoo-ha...

...reminds of a dog I had once......

Here's the finished product...LOL

2010-10-31T23:59:00.000-07:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

2010-10-30T18:44:00.000-07:00

   Ok all you bitches..errrr..witches and ghouls..it's that time of year again. What are you all going to be this year? Do you still dress up? How about your kids?
   My oldest is going as Susan from Chronicles of Narnia and my youngest is going as a witch. I am either going as a black cat or as a vampire victim...my husband is going as a vampire (not a sparkly douchie one either..an I'll rip your fucking throat out one). I think I'll be the victim..I do have the make-up and fake blood for it.
   Whatever you are going as (or not) and whatever you are doing, I wish you a very happy and safe Halloween. xoxoxoxo

I'll sleep, you mash

2010-10-29T20:31:00.000-07:00

   Once again I have come home from work exhausted!!! I am going to bed while all you young hipsters go out partying (it happens when you start to get old). In the spirit of Halloween however, I give you the Monster Mash.

   Enjoy!

Whistlin' Dixie....

2010-10-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

   So here's the deal...I am starting a neighborhood book club and I need some book ideas if you have any. The only thing is...these women.....can't really follow anything too deep (if you know what I mean), and so I want to pick a book for the first month that is light, easy to read and fun. I know many of you have and do host book clubs of your own, so tell me...what have you read lately that was good but not too smart?...LOL.
   Once we come up with our list, I will share it with you. I am thinking of starting with this book I am currently reading called Whistlin' Dixie in a Nor'easter by Lisa Patton. It sounds very much like my current plight (except I'm in Minnesota not Vermont), and the main character refers to people from the north as Yankee Devils. I think all my "Yankee Devil " book club friends will get a kick out of that.
   Ideas?

Random funny shit...

2010-10-27T18:12:00.000-07:00

I love Break.com

There's really nothing to say about this video....except...two men in a bathtub with....fireworks?

Russian Idiots Set Off Fireworks In Bathtub - Watch more Funny Videos

It's ok to laugh at this....really it is.

Fat Girl Faceplants Off a Mechanical Bull - Watch more Funny Videos

Don't worry...the kid is fine.

Breakdance Baby Kick - Watch more Funny Videos

Best Divorce Lawyer Ever!!!!

Funny Divorce Lawyer Ad - Watch more Funny Videos

That's all folks!!

While I was sleeping...

2010-10-26T05:33:00.000-07:00

   I woke up this morning and noticed something crazy on my blog. I stared for about five minutes and then came to the conclusion that it's because I haven't had my coffee yet.
   After gulping down my first bowl of coffee (yes I said bowl), I went back and nothing had changed. Clearly I was losing my mind so I called in the Stud (somehow the sanest person in my life), but he must be losing it too because he saw the same thing!
   Now I'm leaving it up to you guys to tell me...am I crazy?...OR....did my blog just get 10,000 hits!!!!!
For those of you who have been following me for the last 5-10 years..I know you are thinking "IT'S ABOUT TIME!!"....I agree.
   Seriously though, thank you all for your continued support. I don't know why you keep coming back, but you do. Thanks :) xoxoxoxoxo ~The Gadge

Jackass 3D (no...not my husband)

2010-10-25T18:20:00.000-07:00

   My husband talked me into going to see Jackass 3D with him today. I was terrified I'd be the only chick at a sausage party (and with no beer to boot), but thankfully there were two other girls in the theater.
   I have to admit to watching hours of the show Jackass with my husband and ***shhhhhhhh****enjoying it. I saw the first movie, but not the second one and I think it's safe to say I could have died a happy woman never seeing Steve O's schlong or Bam's ass again. That being said.....I have never laughed so hard in my life!
   There were several times in the movie I had to look away to keep from getting sick, and one time the Stud gagged and heaved and almost threw up. *sigh* All in all though, it was a pretty awesome movie.

I can almost smell it.....

2010-10-24T18:05:00.000-07:00

   The Stud and I went and looked at a great townhouse the other day. We hadn't really considered a townhouse, but the price and location can't be beat and there is something to be said for maintenance free living.
   It's in the same school district as the kids are in now so that's a plus, but most importantly....it's not in the MIL's house. I don't think I can take one more day (much less week, month, or year) of her passive aggressive bullshit! I must get out.
   At this point I'd probably agree to live in a cardboard box to get away from here. I am trying to keep that in perspective and not rush into anything that we will later regret. I do love the town home we looked at though...it was perfect for us. *sighs*
   I think I now know why the caged bird sings. It sings because it can see that open window through the bars of it's cage, and HOPE is a very powerful thing.

Here's the beef...mine anyhow

2010-10-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, I work as a banquet server at big catered events. Since working their, I have done all different types of parties, the most common being wedding receptions.
As a "silent" observer of these events and no one of course having asked me my opinion of such things (but they totally should), I decided to come up with a list of my top ten wedding reception beefs.

People who bring ten kids with them (get a damn babysitter!!)
The 15-20 minute slide show put to really bad music from birth till the engagement party (don't even get me started!)
Drunk parent toasts followed by drunk parent crying and passing out under the table (it happens)
Sneaking in your own booze because you are too cheap to pay for it there (You are cutting into my tips now...this really pisses me off!)
Tipping me the 50 cents left over when you pay me your $59.50 bill. (......)
Calling me sugar, sweetie, baby doll, and every other 1950's sexist thing you can think of and acting like I don't have a brain in my head just because I wait tables for a living.
Ramming into my trays...knocking shit everywhere and just walking away without a word of apology (and most of the time giving me nasty looks...as if I did something wrong!)
Not putting your color coded dinner card out where we can actually see what you are having for dinner even though we tell you 50 times.
People who order coffee. It's a pain in the ass and 50% more work for me (trust me)
People who fail to get out of my way while I'm carrying the giant trays of dinner plates and garbage from having cleared your tables. Come on people...when I say excuse me or behind you...don't just stand there with a dumb look on your face..they are really fucking heavy trays!!

Trust me when I say..I could come up with 100 more at least, but I won't. I am tired, my feet hurt and I'm hungry. There...my complaining quota has been filled for the month. Much love! xoxoxo

Something for everyone

2010-10-22T19:25:00.000-07:00

Went to see The Legend of the Guardians today with the family. I highly recommend watching it in 3D. In my opinion it is worth the extra few bucks for the 3D experience in this case. The imagery is beautiful, the fight scenes are masterful (same director as the movie 300), and the storyline is something that the whole family will get into.
I posted the trailer below in case you haven't seen it yet. This one and How to Train Your Dragon are my two favorite family movies this year. Let me know what you think and what your favorite movies are so far this year...family or not.

Thank you for over sharing

2010-10-21T17:50:00.000-07:00

   Before I get accused of being a pot or a kettle (who cares because they are both black...right?) let me say that as a blogger I am definitely guilty of being an over sharer at times. You other bloggers know very well that you are too.
   Today there are all kinds of ways one can over share if they so desire. "Should I wear pink or black on my date?"...."should I get my hair dyed?" "I just came back from the gym and I totally blasted my quads!"...."Should I eat chicken or beef for dinner."..."I made spaghetti instead...it was awesome!!" These are all status updates I've seen on Twitter and or Facebook.
   I get it..kind off..I mean this is the world we live in now...it's the name of the game...T.M.I. I have no problems with this form of over sharing because there is this great little ignore button that I can push and then I don't have to read your every creepy thought if I don't want to...my choice. The kind of over sharing I do have a problem with is the face to face, first time you are meeting people, nowhere to run kind of over sharing.
   Hey nice to meet you...did you know that my husband cheats on me?...yeah I'm talking about you you dirty pig...don't you walk over here..I'm talking to her about you..non of your business...why don't you go call your little whore. And on...and on....and on. One word....AWKWARD!!
   This is not cool. I do not want to know this much about anyone..especially someone I have known for two freakin days!! Please God...no more!!!!

Wam Bam Thank You Ma'am

2010-10-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

   I usually don't advocate for quickies (although they do have their place), but I have to tell you about a book that I came across the other day. I think it's a great book for book club this month and you'll love this....it's only 187 pages long (hence...quickie).
   There is not too much that I can say about it without ruining it to some degree, but the general gist is, a man is laying on his deathbed and as he lays there dying with his family all around...his life flashes before his eyes (sort of speak)...it comes in bits and pieces and jumps from present to past and even some future.
   Very cool..very well done. A total original piece of writing. It won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction this year and it was the author's first novel. I think that's about all you need to know. Go forth and purchase or check out from the library. You won't regret it!

My Only Sunshine

2010-10-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

   Little Miss Sunshine turned 6 years old today. The picture to the left is of her playing in a pile of leaves. Today I brought treats to school for her entire class to share, picked her and her sister up (because I know she really likes to be picked up instead of riding the bus every once in a while), and took her to her new best friends house for an hour play date before I took her home for dinner and presents.
   When she hugged me tonight, she squeezed me tight and said, "you're the best mommy in the whole wide world...I love you!" Most people would assume that she said that because of all the nice things I did for her on her birthday.....but the thing I love about Little Miss Sunshine the most, is her big beautiful heart that radiates love. She says the same thing to me every night when I kiss her goodnight...and the best part is that she actually believes it.
   There is something absolutely beautiful and quite profound about a childs ability to love unconditionally. It is something that I hope everyday, with all my heart, that she somehow retains. One day I know she'll tell me she hates me and that I'm ruining her life...I know this because her nine year old sister use to tell me I was the bestest mommy in the whole wide world also...and now it's "you're ruing my life...I hate you".....*sigh*

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away"

What you play and what you dream of playing

2010-10-18T18:50:00.000-07:00

   I am not really a musically talented person. I can do a little of this and that, but nothing amazing. I play a little piano...I took one or two months of guitar lessons when I was a kid but lost interest in that pretty fast. Recently all four of us signed up for ukulele lessons, but we only went once (it was a solid hour of whining and complaining...what can I say...I have tender fingers.....).
   My deepest secret desire though (musically speaking...ahem) is to be on a stage alone...no one in the audience...just me and my long gauzy dress..my bare toes..and my cello. Oh....and I want to be amazing at it. When I play the cello....I want to make hardened criminals weep...I want people to stop dead in their tracks to hear me. Ok, I admit it, there is also a small part of me that wants to make cool colors shoot out of it with every sound like that one deaf chick from Heroes.
   One small problem. I can't play the cello. I'm not even sure if I've ever touched one, but I can pick the sound of one out of an orchestra. It's my absolute favorite instrument. The sound of the cello (played well of course) can pull me in and carry me far far away in the blink of an eye. Nothing else does that for me (musically speaking of course...ahem).
   I'm not sure what made me start this spiel, but now I'm wondering if any of you have deep secret desires (musical ones of course...). Do you dream of playing the guitar like Joe Satriani?...or maybe of playing the piano like Ludwig Van Beethoven? Do you have an inner rock star that's dying to come out and play some Metallica?

My babies are growing up

2010-10-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

   First, Happy Birthday Little Miss Chatterbox. Today is her ninth birthday, and when I woke her up this morning she informed me that it was only 4 years until she was a teenager...to which I replied "you shut your mouth or you're grounded!"
   I don't know where the time goes, but I do know you have to hold on to the time while you still have it. Hug your children (if you have them) and tell them you love them everyday. About a month ago my bosses son was killed in a car accident, and since that day I have felt a new sense of gratitude everyday that I wake up and hear my two little girls voices (even if they are usually fighting when I hear them).
   The above picture was taken of Little Miss Chatterbox and Little Miss Sunshine when they were 3 years and 5 months old. Little Miss Sunshine turns 6 on Tuesday....*sighs*....Goodnight all..this momma needs a drink.

I'm a cheater...shhhhhh

2010-10-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

Karma....What a Bitch!!!!

2010-10-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

   I found out my boss scheduled me to work tomorrow night even though I requested it off weeks ago. This weekend is both Little Miss Sunshine and Little Miss Chatterbox's birthdays. Tomorrow is their huge joint birthday party and I have no intention of going to work. I told the Stud and my MIL today that I intend to call in sick tomorrow morning so that they have plenty of time to cover my shift.
   Tonight the Stud and I went to see the movie RED (side note...it was awesome!!) during the movie I all of a sudden had a sharp pain in my lower stomach. It was so intense I doubled over in my seat and made an involuntary noise of some kind. The Stud leaned forward and inquired if I was ok. It passed and I continued watching the movie. Five minutes later I doubled over in pain again, this time for a good 25-35 seconds. At this point I broke out into a cold sweat and I realized that I must have that nasty stomach virus the Stud just got over.
   The ironic part is I was planning on saying I got my husbands stomach virus so that I could go to my kids birthday parties. Now it looks like I may miss it because I really am sick and that fucker really did give it to me. We just got home..I can barely hold my head up to write this and I am starting to feel nauseous.
   Karma....really IS a big ol' bitch!

And the douchebag award goes to....

2010-10-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

Not too many things shock me anymore, but this story today did. In case you missed this past Tuesdays The View (I miss them all intentionally by the way) with guest Bill O'Reilly...man did we all pick a bad day to not watch that crap. I have added the clip below for those of you who would like to see what has got this redheads hackles up enough that I broke my own golden rule...I am doing a blog post about politics!!!....well, kind of.

Just Push Play...

I am without words...what an ignorant bigot doucheass!..That's all I have to say about that.

Playing it safe

2010-10-13T15:03:00.000-07:00

   I just read an article that discusses a growing concern among the medical community that men and women of a certain age, no longer worrying about getting pregnant, are having more unprotected sex. Therefore the number of STD's being treated in the elderly is on the rise (hehe). It specifically mentioned elderly care homes and the tendency among the tenants to have unprotected sex with multiple partners with very few of them actually ever being screened. The scariest STD on the rise in the elderly community is HIV....so please grandma...stop sleeping around!!!
    My first thought after reading this is, "Please God!....someone pass me some bleach so I can try to get these images out of my head! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Then after my impulse to iron everything the Stud and I own passed me, I thought, "I hope I'm still doing it when I'm old and crotchety. I mean...I imagine I'll still be a freak even when I'm old, and I know the Stud is totally going to be one of "those"dirty old men grabbing ass and hitting on everything with a skirt. Oh well, I guess I'll tell you old whippersnappers what I would tell you if you were 16 and my own kids. Don't have sex or you might die. Cheers!
   To see old people doing it click here

PERVERTS!!!! You totally clicked it didn't you? Sicko!

I am so tired.....

2010-10-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

I just got off work, and I am sooooooo tired!!

So......here's a bunny with a pancake on it's head....

It was A Maze ING!!!

2010-10-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

   Yesterday was full of win! First it was in the 80's which is unheard of for October in Minnesota. We went to the Apple Orchard where the four of us went into the corn maze to try to find 8 clues for the A MAZE ING challenge (my name..not theirs).
   We walked in circles (mostly because we each took turns choosing a direction) but eventually made it out with the clues. However, I'm sad to say that we did not come up with the correct two words to solve the puzzle. The actual words were Buy Local we guessed Loyal Cub...LMAO we were close but no cigar!!
   We did get a fresh picked apple for our trouble, and then we made our way down the orchard, past the pumpkin patch, to where the hay rides were. The line was eleventy-seven deep so we decided to skip that and bought the girls caramel apples instead. The Stud and I enjoyed the best Cider Oatmeal Raisin Cookies ever!!!
   Then it it was time to go home, where we grilled out pork chops and ended the night with hot coco with marshmallows. Time got away from us so we couldn't do the whole bon fire thing, but for sure we will this upcoming weekend because it's the girls birthdays. Yes both of them...two days apart...what can I say, other than The Stud isn't allowed to touch me at all in January!

I love autumn!

2010-10-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

   This is my favorite time of year, and living in Minnesota one really gets to experience fall at it's best. The leaves are all varying shades of red, yellow, gold, orange and green, and the air is crisp and fresh feeling.
   Today my family and I are going to the Apple Orchard here in our area, and I am so excited. We've already been there a couple of times this season, but this will be our first hay ride there, and first walk through the corn maze (think every scary movie you ever saw).
   Latter when we get home we are going to rake the leaves into piles and and let the kids dive into them (hopefully I'll get some good pictures to post of that), that will be followed by hot coco and and maybe even a small fire in our (tiny) outdoor fire pit. Like I said...I love autumn!!!!

The Ultimate in Last Words

2010-10-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

My good bloggy friend Stesha from over at Your Love Punch has a great idea. Her blog is all letters from her readers. Love gone wrong letters, break up letters...get the last word in the relationship letters...basically cheap therapy. In fact her tag line says "Write a Letter. It's cheaper than therapy. Easier than a restraining order." Perfect! I love it!!
She is now turning the letters into a book of letters. So here is my challenge for you all. If you would like to get the Ultimate Last Word in a relationship, or simply want to belittle an ex that really deserves it...you too can be in her book. Here's how...

Her call for submissions says this: “The hottest love has the coldest end.” -Socrates

Call for submission of anonymous letters written by both men and women to an ex or soon to be ex.

Our upcoming book, Your Love Punch Letters, is a compilation of anonymous letters, that offer a peek inside raw human emotion, when coping with the demise of a relationship.

Writing an anonymous letter to an ex allows the release of negative feelings from a failed relationship, that would otherwise surface into a new relationship. A failed relationship doesn’t define you. How you deal with the emotional aftermath will determine how the next chapter of you life is written.

Contact:

If you have any questions or suggestions please contact Stesha at yourlovepunch@gmail.com

Twitter: http://twitter.com/YourLovePunch

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/YourLovePunch

***Stealing is bad, but I got permission from Stesha to do this. So no worries, I'm still going to hell, but not for stealing.***

Guidelines:

Your letter submissions can be emailed with “Love Punch Letter” in the subject to yourlovepunch@gmail.com. Minimum word count is 500. Maximum word count is 1000. Letters that do not meet the word count qualifications will still be considered.
Letters may be edited for clarity and length.
All letters are anonymous. When writing your letter to your ex or soon to be ex, please include their first name and last initial only.
All letters must be signed Sincerely, Your Love Punch.
Letters submitted become the property of YourLovePunch.com. Letters not chosen for the book will be published on the website.
If you are considering making a submission, send us an email by December 1, 2010 as space for this project is limited.
Final letters must be received by January 1, 2011.

A deadly game

2010-10-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

   As this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I do have two sisters who are both survivors, I would be remiss in my blogging duties if I didn't do a post on the importance of early detection.
   First I want to say that both of my amazing sisters are cancer free for the moment and I couldn't be happier....or more terrified.
   I am a freak about checking my own breasts. I randomly pull them out and start checking them while on the couch or in bed watching t.v. with the Stud...he is momentarily excited until he realizes what I am doing. The "C" word in our house, as in many houses, is a very scary and nasty word. I have a very very high risk for both breast and colon cancers as both of them have claimed someone in my family, and I have two siblings fighting the nasty disease.
   When faced with the odds for a normal person (which is still 1 in 3), it's hard to face your own. I think that is what has stopped me from getting the genetic tests that my doctor wants me to get. I know for now I am cancer free...isn't that enough? Do you think it's better to know the odds or to just take it one day at a time? What would you do?

You Dirty Dirty Slut

2010-10-07T12:55:00.000-07:00

   My new favorite story on the interwebz is this story about Duke University student Karen Owen. She wrote a 42 page PowerPoint presentation on her sexual conquests during her senior year (see the 42 page PP here). She even named names, used pictures and made a graph showing how they rated against one another. It was a tell all account of her private sexual life (and several other peoples) that she emailed to a couple of "friends" who found it necessary to send it out to the world.
   I'm not here to judge. Don't get me wrong...I'm all for women's rights...even the right to be as slutty as men have always been. I am a supporter of women who are strong and independent and know how to go out and get what they want...ahem. After all, I'm a dirty dirty slut too. The difference is...I'm a dirty slut for one man and one man only. My husband a.k.a. The Stud. I also don't believe that a person would spend that much time and effort on a "project" and show it to people if they didn't intend for it to get out and go viral.
   I guess my point is, Karen, if your going to be a dirty dirty slut (and clearly you are...or at least have been) then own that shit!! Wear it with pride..like the badge and title you have forever earned. Don't go on Jezebel and say how you regret it...you don't regret it..You just regret how people look at you now..something you didn't think about I guess before you hit send.

Your move..shithead!

2010-10-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

   Games. Playing games can mean many things. I happen to LOVE board games. Clue, Life, Monopoly, Risk.... you name it..and I've played it. Games I do not enjoy and yet can't seem to help play, are relationship games.
   No one can get under my skin further or faster than The Stud. It is truly an art form. The same is true about me and his skin though I'm afraid. As I've said in the past...most days, I'm not even sure why he stays.
   The thing that I am sad to say I am best at, is misunderstanding either his words or body language and instead of asking him what he means...I just get mad at him and stop talking to him. Later on in the day he may even ask me, "are you ok?" To which I will inevitably reply (sometimes with a 'hhmmff or eye roll), "I'm fine".
   The problem with this is, in guy speak that means I'm fine...now get the fuck away from me. In girl speak it means you know what you did...now fucking apologize already! This...as I'm sure everyone reading can attest..causes problems.
   I love my husband. I want to be the kind of wife he deserves (and I'm sure he wishes that too..haha) but we are human. Humans are intrinsically flawed and vulnerable. It is what makes us all so amazing...and yet, so hell bent on destroying ourselves.
   I have always recognized in myself the flaw of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Believe me..it's not the only flaw I know about, but it's the one that has caused me the most problems in my marriage. I am a very lucky woman to have the marriage that I have, and to have a true partner in every sense with my husband. Since day one, however, I have truly been looking for the holes. Waiting for the punch in the gut. Silently contemplating, "what is he not telling me?" Ya know?
   So now...I am on a personal quest to work on my own issues while overlooking everyone elses. It's that last part that is the real challenge. I'm a Virgo after all. I see flaws and I have to try to fix them...in everyone..this is the problem. We as people in committed relationships, have got to be honest with ourselves and try very hard to hear what our significant other is actually saying and not what we think or believe that they said.
   Statistics are still bad. 50% of all marriages still end in divorce, and don't even get me started on the statistics for second and third marriages. This should not be a reason to throw your hands up however and walk away. This should be a reason to fight like hell to hang on to each other. Dontcha think?

Do you like to play rough?...then you'll love...

2010-10-05T07:05:00.000-07:00

   It's finally time to talk about the third and final book in the Sleeping Beauty Erotic Trilogy. If you have been reading these with me or if you read these in the past, you know that they only got more...interesting.
   Beauty has been kidnapped and taken to a far away country where an evil Sultan has his own version of the sexual world in which Beauty had been previously a slave.
   The many wives of this Sultan are fascinated with beauty and her ability to receive pleasure. All of the Sultan's wives have had a certain something surgically removed by their husbands (I guess so they don't cheat on him?...or maybe he's just selfish) so that they are not capable of having an orgasm. Beauty of course, has been taught to have an orgasm with reckless abandon and these wives eventually tie beauty up and take her back to their room to play with her a bit.
   Eventually, even though it is strictly forbidden to give any of the Sultans wives pleasure of any kind, Beauty sneaks into the head wife's chambers and teachers her ways to pleasure her sister wives and bring them to orgasm despite their lake of Clitoris. The lesbian scene that takes place between Beauty and the head wife is...well pretty damn hot even if that's not your thing.
   Beauty once again begins a relationship with another slave (will she never learn?) and this time even falls in love with him...right about then she is rescued and taken back to the other kingdom where orders are given to return her to her parents kingdom at once.
   Beauty's reaction after all these months (years?) of slavery?...you guessed it...she has a big old fashioned hissy fit because she wants to stay and continue being a slave. What?!! Seriously?!!! Ok, ok..I know all about Stockholm syndrome but come on!! She does get her fairy "tail" ending though...and that's all I'm gonna say about that because if you haven't read it, it's worth it just for the scene where Beauty is holding private auditions in her room (back at her parents castle) for her future husband. Loved it!! Laughed out loud a lot, but loved it!
   If you'd like to order this book from Amazon either click on the link below or look for it at your local bookstore.
Happy Reading!!!

I'll Play Your Game

2010-10-04T17:42:00.000-07:00

   It's been a while since I participated in anything outside of the occasional blog post. This month as I try to once again complete the NaBloPoMo challenge of daily blog content, I thought it would be a good idea to actually do something I was tagged in.
   My friend Amy from over at Amy Fashion tagged me in this fun game that I will call the ABC's of Me. I liked it because it was easy and there are no rules to it.
   I'm not going to actually tag anyone for this because it's a game I'd like to tag you all for but that's too time consuming. So....if you read this and you're interested in sharing the ABC's of You, then please of please play and then just leave me a little message letting me know that you played. Cheers!

A- Age: 33

B- Bed Size: Queen

C- Chore you hate: All of them

D- Dogs or cats: dogs

E- Essential start your day item: Coffee

F- Favorite Color: Kelly Green

G- Gold or Silver: Silver

H- Height: 5'9

I: Instruments you played: Piano

J- Job Title: Banquet Server

K- Kid(s): 2

L- Loud or quiet: Loud

M- Mom's Name: Dot

N- Nicknames: Cletus (STFU!!), and others even more embarrassing than that...

O- Overnight hospital stay: Two babies..you do the math

P- Pet Peeve: People who show up at my house without calling first.

Q- Favorite quote from a movie: "You make me want to be a better man" ~As Good As It Gets

R- Right or left handed: Right

S- Siblings: 3 sisters and 2 brothers

T- Time you wake up: 6:30am except Tuesday and Thursday..then it's 5:45am.

U- Underwear: Victoria's Secret Cheekies

V- Vegetables you dislike: Cauliflower

W- Ways you run late: I am habitually early for everything

X- X-rays you've had: My hips, tailbone and pelvis

Y- Yummy food you make: Baked Ziti and Carrot Cake

Z- Zoo Favorite: Monkeys of course.

TAG YOU'RE ALL IT!!

Life: The Final Act

2010-10-03T18:04:00.000-07:00

   Thanks for the well wishes and concern yesterday. We did indeed have a death in the family. Not my immediate family or my husbands, but family none the less.
   The world lost a force of nature yesterday. Someone who was living every moment to the fullest until her last breath. An avid Black Jack player she earned the name Black Betty from her family and friends.

R.I.P. Black Betty.... This one's for you...

Just Push Play: Tosh funny movie review

2010-10-02T19:15:00.000-07:00

I intended on doing a much different post tonight, but I had a family emergency come up. Please bare with me, and if you have a few minutes to waste...watch the damn video because Daniel Tosh is a funny bitch!!

Tosh.0

Weds 10:30pm / 9:30c

Spoiler Alert - Human Centipede

www.comedycentral.com

Tosh.0 Videos

Daniel Tosh

Web Redemption

What do you play at when you're alone?

2010-10-01T21:20:00.000-07:00

   Do we all have closet infatuations? Things we like and take part in when no one is around to mock us?...or...is it just me?
   As far as video games go, you already know the answer is World of Warcraft (stfu). For the most part, I am a what you see is what you get kind of girl; however, I do have a closet confession or two....
   First, if no one is around to frown at me and expect something out of me (yeah like that ever happens) then I'd just as soon stay in pajamas all day and lay in bed watching t.v. and vegging.
   I also sing to the top of my lungs whenever I'm alone in a car or in the shower and no one else is in the house. I listen to a lot of pop (Lady Gaga shhhh don't tell) and rap music while in the car because when the Stud is driving...it's all metal (or mostly anyhow) or what my youngest refers to as "boy music".
   I love reality t.v. but not the ones that most people secretly watch. I like the reality shows on Animal Planet, NatGeo, and SyFy. My all time favorites are Whale Wars, Ghost Hunters, Dirty Jobs, and Billy the Exterminator (to name just a few). I know, I know...I am painting quite a picture for you about me...I know.

What can I say, I'm a NERD (a hot Nerd, but a Nerd no less).

Things to come and such as......

2010-09-30T18:36:00.000-07:00

   First of all thanks for the well wishes when I had the flu (feeling much better now) and for those of you who have stuck with me even though I have barely been around. Much love to you all.
   Nextly (my blog..I can make words up if I want), I am going to attempt to do NaBloPoMo again for the month of October.I know I successfully did it twice, but as you may recall the third time I tried it...I struck out around week one.
   Anyhoo, the theme this month is PLAY ....I don't know about you, but I can think of at least thirty posts right now off the top of my head that have something to do with the word PLAY, so if you think you may like to check it out..please feel free to stop by everyday and see what kind of play on words I can contrive. If you'd like to sign up and PLAY along...please feel free..the more the merrier.

Being sick blows

2010-09-28T14:59:00.000-07:00

   In the past 33 years I have had the flu maybe 4 times. At least 3 of those times were a result of getting the flu shot (go figure). Sunday the Stud and I were at Walgreens and saw their free slu shots sign. I laughed and said, "nah, not me..I only get the flu when I've had the shot". ...famous last words.
   Sunday night I started feeling weird like I'd been in a fight and forgot it maybe. Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and body aches. Today....well it's full on flu time now (Yippee for me!). Maybe I should have got the shot and this is Karmas way of paying me back in that big bitch way she has. Whatever it is...I HATE being sick!!!
   Moral of the story...GO GET YOUR FLU SHOT!!
Especially if you are any of the following:

Pregnant women
Children younger than 5, but especially children younger than 2 years old
People 50 years of age and older
People of any age with certain chronic medical conditions
People who live in nursing homes and other long-term care facilities
People who live with or care for those at high risk for complications from flu, including:

Health care workers
Household contacts of persons at high risk for complications from the flu
Household contacts and out of home caregivers of children less than 6 months of age (these children are too young to be vaccinated)

The flu shot this season also covers the H1N1 virus (FYI) so get it and feel better, and watch what you say...cuz Karma is a big ol' bitch!

Damn the Man!!! Save the Empire!!

2010-09-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

   Before I even start let me say that yes, I get the irony that my last post was about my empty nest. I guess Wicked Shawn from Wicked Girls Think It, Do You? was right when she commented that I should shut up and enjoy it while it lasts (paraphrasing).
   I have been either working or taking tests for employment everyday this week and now I am sorely regretting my previous post. What was I thinking? I'm not sure the answer to that, but that's not the real question I want to ask today. I want to know, "Can we as women, have it all?"
   I know that question is old and tired, but I am really curious about all of your opinions. I am getting ready to start working again full time (that's right, The Gadge may FINALLY have a job), and now that I am and my husband and kids are all in school full time, I am worried about how little we are all about to see each other. Wah wah...I know I know.. I am so pathetic! Now that I have saved you the trouble of stating that obvious fact, what are your opinions on women "having it all"? Can we work 40 hours, be involved in our childrens education, have a happy and healthy relationship with our life partners, and still have time to do what fulfills us outside of those things? Before you state the next obvious thing wrong with this, yes I know a lot of stay home moms still don't have those things, but for arguments sake...lets say they do. Can we have it all? Can men even have it all anymore for that matter.......discuss!

And while you discuss...some eye candy.

He sure seems to have it all......

Empty Nest Blues

2010-09-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

    I don't know what I was thinking signing my 5 1/2 year old up for full day Kindergarten. Clearly I'm not ready...ahem..I mean SHE is not ready.
   The house is now way too quiet! From 8:15am till 4pm I am alone.
   The stud started college classes last week (yay for him), and here I am with only my part time, on occasion, crappy job. I need to do something fulfilling. I am thinking about going back to school my self until I can find a full time job.
   Maybe I'll take a writing class (be nice), or photography.... OOOOHH...maybe Italian..it's a sexy language. Who knows...all I know is I need something to do or I'm going to rearrange my mother in laws house and and get out the label maker.
Be afraid...be very afraid.

Aliens...Owls...and you guessed it...SEX!

2010-09-14T18:53:00.000-07:00

   So it appears that last night was a night for strange dreams. I had one, my husband and both my kids had one, and my cousin had one.
   The strangest part for me was how real it felt, how detailed it was, and how much it progressed like a movie or even real life events. There was a time line and a sequence of events that actual made sense (in a crazy dream sort of way).
   The dream started (or the first part I remember) I was chasing the Stud around trying to convince him to have sex with me (as if). The next thing I remember is walking along with my kids. Little Miss Chatterbox was asking me questions about owls while we hopped along some very sturdy lily pads (maybe we were very light..who knows..it made sense at the time). I was explaining that owls are very smart and that they are viscous predators (no idea if that's even true...think Secret of Nimh...that's the limit to my owl knowledge), when all of a sudden an owl swooped down and grabbed a mouse from in front of me.
    Off in the distance, there was a loud noise and a mushroom cloud appeared in the sky. We turned to run in the opposite direction and we saw alien space ships breaking through the clouds. I tried to hide, but they had already spotted us.
   They looked just like us (very V of me..I know) and they took my kids away from me and locked me in a room. I remember the feelings of helplessness I had in that dream. I remember weeping for my kids and holding onto them as long as possible.
   When I woke up I still felt the same fear and sadness...it was very strange for me. I usually lose most of the dream after I wake, but not this time. It's all still there.
   I decided to look up what alien abduction means in the online dream dictionary. This is what it said:

"To dream that you are being abducted by aliens, indicates your fear of your changing surroundings or your fear of losing your home and family. You feel that your space and/or privacy is being invaded.

To see aliens in your dream, signify that you are having difficulties adapting and adjusting to your new surroundings. You are feeling "alienated" and disconnected. You may also be having difficulties with how to handle or deal with a certain situation or person. On a psychological level, seeing aliens represent an encounter with an unfamiliar or neglected aspect of your own self."

In case this is your first time here...let me say it this way. OMG!!! This is soooooo me! Click here for more on that.
So how about you? Any strange dreams lately? Wanna share? I'm listening...... xoxo

It's my birthday...I'll cry if I want to....

2010-09-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

Because today is my birthday and I can be totally random if I want to be..I give you...a bunch of randomness.

It was nice of the Stud to get me this balloon for my birthday (huba huba)

Look there's a baby coming out of that taco!! (get your minds out of the gutter!!)

This guy needs to take lessons from the Stud on the two finger bra removal technique.

My friend Bray over at Lookitsbray's Blog posted this picture on one of his amazing blog posts and I totally want this tattoo now.

A fucked up birthday celebration I just had to share with you (no that is NOT me).

Thank you all for all your birthday wishes on Facebook. I love you all!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Money..Happiness..Sex (oh my)

2010-09-08T14:41:00.000-07:00

I saw a news story the other day that said, "Money Can Buy Happiness". As someone who has neither had very much money of late, nor been particularly happy, my ears perked up. Really??
{Their take} According to Tuesday's edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, money can make you happy to a point...that point, they say, is $75,000 a year.

This made me think (shocking I know)...between The Studs unemployment check and my tips from banquet serving we are about $40,000 a year short of happiness....but are we?
{My Take} When The Stud was in the Army we didn't make much more than now...in fact when we first had Little Miss Chatterbox we made as little as people we knew who were on food stamps (unfortunately...we didn't qualify for food stamps because we worked for the government), but this thought gave me some pause....were we less happy then? No. If anything..living in our tiny little apartment, driving our fourth or fifth hand Ford Tempo, eating lots of grilled cheese and tomato soup dinners...I can honestly say, it was some of the happiest times of my life.

    In fact, for the last 10 years we have been together, no matter where we were or how "bad off" we were...we were always at the core of ourselves and our family...very happy.
   What was the secret to our happiness? Sex. Lots of down and dirty, passionate sex. Why are we less happy now? Not less money...less sex. Not for lack of desire...for lack of privacy. We moved in with my in-laws 5 months ago and we now share a very thin wall with them...this severely cramps our style.
   The bottom line? What do those science geeks know? It's not like they are getting laid for free....of course they think money can buy happiness. ~Cheers~

All work and no play makes The Gadge a dull girl

2010-09-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

   I have not been kidnapped by aliens nor am I being held for ransom (haha..like we could pay it)...I have simply been working A LOT lately. Lots of people get married in the summer and I have had lots of banquets {wedding receptions, grooms dinners, retirement parties, premier parties...etc.} that I have been working.
   I feel like a tired, achy, blistered crybaby but boy do I ever feel old working there with all these 20 somethings. They have so much energy!!!! I think it's all the red bulls they consume...or maybe it's the 15 year age difference between some of us................nah!!!
   Anyhow...my impending birthday has got me down...especially now that I will be spending it home alone with my thoughts (never a good thing).
   I just wanted to let any readers still hanging on out there that I am indeed still alive and hopefully soon I will have way more time to just sit home and write....but that is another story... Ciao!

Happy Birthday Virgos!

2010-09-01T09:03:00.000-07:00

   According to a zodiac sign website "Virgo is a very independent zodiac sign. They are fully able to put their intelligence to use and get things done for themselves. It is possible however that their narrow mindedness causes their creativity to suffer and they may lead regular routine lives. They may dwell too much on the past and over complicate things and this may limit their ability to move forward and confuse themselves. In conclusion, Virgos are able to be independent but the less evolved types will have difficult if someone is not there helping them to achieve more and not be so critical of themselves." For the most part I agree with all of that (for better or for worse).
   I also agree with this "Virgo exists in the mind, everything is inside.", but there are some things I have a serious bone to pick with whoever came up with this Virgo personality explanation.
   The biggest bone (hehe) being about how prudish and unsexual we are...WTF...I guess they never met me...or any of the other Virgos I know. This is what they said, "These are not the type of people who will engage in a one night stand, they are too reserved and prudish for that. Expect sex to be direct and straightforward, no fancy moves, places or games. Virgo is not a highly sexed zodiac sign and does not place much importance on it, if anything they consider sex to be gross and dirty." Ummmmm what?
Gross and dirty wasn't even used in a good way.....seriously? My over analytical mind is having a hard time computing this data. Where do they get any of this information from and who were their sources?

...and now a video....

Just call me Nikki...... ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIRGOS!!

The Vast Unknown

2010-08-28T08:02:00.000-07:00

   At what age are you supposed to know what you want to be when you grow up? I always thought I'd know by 25 at least, but as I sit here (about to turn 33 next week...shhhhhhh) I have no more of an idea as I did at 17 at what I want to be or do, and lets face it, I'm running out of time on somethings. For instance, if I decide that I want to go back in the Army, be a Fire Woman, or join the Police Force, these are all things I have exactly one year to decide now or forever hold my piece.
   There are age deadlines for lots of jobs. Not to mention, if I do something now that requires a lot of school (doctor, nurse, psychiatrist, lawyer) I will be in my 50's when I begin my career. I'm not saying that 50 is old (please no hate mail) but it is late to be starting out as a medical intern or pulling all nighters in the dorm.
   I know a few 18 year olds starting out in college this fall and totally passionate about their futures and full of dreams. I envy these people. Not their youth (ok, maybe a little bit), but their passion and dreams.
   Someone please tell me it's not too late for me....that I will still find my calling...that there is passion in me other than for my husband (wink wink).

   Any ideas? I'm wide open....

A Public Service Announcement

2010-08-28T07:46:00.000-07:00

If you need a good laugh, and who doesn't, go see
Dinner For Schmucks!!

I laughed throughout the movie and not in just a few places, which to me is a sign of a good comedy. Steve Carell was at his finest, and the chemistry between him and Paul Rudd was truly bro-mantic.

Love Fool

2010-08-24T06:42:00.000-07:00

   She may never recover from this one. As she lies in bed feeling completely empty, this is her inner mantra, "Why?". She will never forgive him, or herself.
   Shaking, she slowly sits up and surveys the room. Blood everywhere. A thought occurs, it's not all hers. Her mouth curves up slightly in one corner then she leans over and retches until her stomach is empty.
   Lying back down, she once again brings her legs up into her chest and hugs them tight to her.
   She just can't believe he's really gone.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline ~ 1 800 799 SAFE (7233) Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

***I know Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) isn't until October, however it is always the right time to get the word out that there is help.***

Beauty's Punishment: An Erotic Novel by Anne Rice

2010-08-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

   For those of you who actually read this one.... WOW.. I told you it was STEAMY!
   At the end of the book one, beauty is punished for her unwillingness to break and be the plaything of the Royal Court. She is sentenced to serve a year in the Village where the towns people live. You start book two with the hopes that things will be easier for her in the village, but these people are worse than the royal court...after all..this isn't their first rodeo and they all have shitty lives with no one else to take it out on.
   Book 2 starts out with Princess Beauty and the handsome slave Prince Tristan being put into cattle cars with a bunch of other disobedient slaves and hauled to the town square for auction. The very first scene is full of lust, fear and passion as Tristan "comforts" Beauty on the short but "bumpy" ride.
   This story doesn't just follow Beauty's trials but also closely follows Tristan's as he is sold to be a Pony Boy (This term totally ruined The Outsiders for me...formerly one of my favorite books). If book one was wild and descriptive, then I don't know what you'd call this one....other than DAMN GOOD!!
   If I were I guy I would give it a very enthusiastic Dick Up but I'm not so I'll have to settle for giving two thumbs instead..
   Go. Read. Eat. Drink. Be Horny, and then have wild and crazy sex (not necessarily in that order).

Dear God, it's me again.......

2010-08-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

"Why God, why me?" This is my new mantra everyday. No, I'm not dying and I am not homeless, but I am the mother of a young woman who is becoming a young woman way too early. Yeah you heard me. It all started a few weeks ago when Little Miss Chatterbox (who is almost 9) was laying in bed crying and holding her lower stomach and complaining about pain. We were very worried that it was her bowels or her appendix...what was really going on we were so not prepared for. Hormones....they are a nasty word in our house, and even the most prepared mature woman is a nasty bitch at times when hormones are a factor, but imagine the unbelievable bitchiness of an 8 1/2 year old. She cries ALL THE EVER LOVING TIME!!!! While we were up at the cabin for the family reunion (if you missed that post OMG you have to read it...it's too fucking funny...click here) Little Miss Chatterbox was in rare form...she actually accused one of the Aunties of "disrespecting her food" when that same Auntie accidentally bumped into Little Miss Chatterbox sending her chicken nuggets flying (you can't make this shit up).
As a cute side note, The day we...realized what was going on with her, I turned to the Stud and told him my suspicions...he tore out of the house like a bat out of hell without a word about where he was going. He came back 45 minutes later with these items:

a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
a mountain dew
some Children's Motrin.

He said he had read somewhere that caffeine was good for cramps and that chocolate has been proven to make women happier. LMAO!!! I love that crazy man of mine, but God help him if Little Miss Sunshine takes after her sister, he could be living with 3 "hormonal" women in 5 years or less. OMG!!!!

Fast cars, cheep beer and loose women.

2010-08-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

   Fast cars, cheap beer and loose women. No, this isn't lyrics to a terrible country song, it's the post I promised about my trip up north to the family reunion.
   As far as the family goes, it was all pretty normal. Aunt So and So got a little too drunk and over shared with everyone who would listen. Cousin So and So forgot that the very tall for his age 14 year old boy was her cousin and proceeded to stalk him like a love sick puppy (eww). The cousin from out of town who is young, hip and hot wore something scandalous that caused all the pacemakers to go off in the Tri-State Area. Uncle Mullet got so drunk he forgot where the bathroom was and opted to pee on a little tiny tree instead (in front of family...including his step daughter and cousins). Grandma was sweet as always leaving hot pink lipstick on everyone she greeted, and the food was fantastic and the beer plenty.
   HOWEVER!!!(queue banjo music) each night we were greeted by the sounds of the red neck stag party going on next door. OK... now we all know that guys (of a certain age) when left to their own devices for an entire weekend, will make asses out of themselves to some degree (especially if they have limitless booze), but these guys deserve a gold medal for their efforts in ass-hatery.
   The first night was pretty tame. The stag party was loud, but our biggest complaint about them would have been their taste in music. They whooped and hollered at every female under the age of 50 that walked by (we have some hotties in the fam), and then thankfully went to a local strip club for most of the rest of the night. Later on after they got home, the cops came a few times, but other than that...no big!
   The next night however, was quite different. Apparently...they hit a coyote on the way to a bar, got out and decided to put it on the hood of their car (I swear to God!! You can't make shit like this up!), and then decided to take the corpse in with them and set it up on the bar. Sweet baby Jesus!!! Seriously? For added fun, they bent all the license plates in the parking lot (except our families), and then spent the rest of the evening puking all over the parking lot in front of their cabin. NICE!!! A few hundred beers and a trip to the ER later (shockingly....one of them had "food poisoning"...yeah right) and their weekend was over.
    My favorite part of the story though, has to be, that while they were gone the bride to be (or not to be) decided she didn't really want to get married to Mr. Not So Right...apparently, she finally saw Deliverance and decided she really didn't want to "squeal like a pig".

Broken computers, tail bones and cars....oh my!!!!

2010-08-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

   What a summer!!!! OH YEAH!! before I go any further...let me say that it is great to be back baby!!! Thank you to those of you who missed me enough to send me messages asking where I was and when I was returning (xoxoxoxo).
   My computer bit the big one, and I am now living on the Stud's mercy and kindness when it comes to the computer because he now has the only working one in the house. I got lucky today because he is at his physical therapy appointment (remember when he broke his tail bone on the log ride at MOA?...no? well he did, and it still hurts him pretty bad), and now I have the whole office to myself..yippee!!
   There is so much we have to catch up on and I am currently writing a post about my husbands awesome family reunion we went to last weekend (hopefully I will post that later today or tomorrow). Also I am working on a few others at the same time, so there should be no lack of content on MCE this week at the very least.
   I hope you are enjoying the last weeks of summer before school starts again, and I look forward to catching up on all of your lives and blogs real soon. xoxoxoxoxoxo

Childlike Wonder

2010-08-03T14:42:00.000-07:00

   I picked my 8 year old daughter (Little Miss Chatterbox) up from her nature camp today, and as we drove home she began filling me in on her day. She made a fort, learned first aid, learned to make a camp fire, and learned about recycling. It was the latter that made the biggest impression on her however. She told me about how excited she was to implement the things she had learned into her life, and informed me that she and her new friend Autumn would "one day change the planet with what they had learned today."
   I love this about kids...they have so much optimism and truly believe that they can make a difference. This is a quality I will never stifle...no matter how cynical I become. I'm not saying that I don't believe that, as a matter of fact, I do believe one person can change the world (i.e. Jesus Christ...wither or not you believe he was the Son of God..you have to admit..there have been many world changing wars waged in His name).
   I looked at her through my rear view mirror and smiled, "You know what honey, I believe you will."

Summertime Love

2010-08-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

If you ask most kids what their favorite time of year is, they will usually say summertime. This is really a no brainer...no school + swimming, camp outs, fishing, and back yard barbecues = best season ever for a kid. As a young adult I really didn't care for summer...this isn't something I can explain..I just didn't, but the older I get the more I am discovering my first love all over again. The best part is I now get to experience it again through my children's eyes...with all the wonder and excitement that that entails.

Due to living overseas for the past 5 to 6 years, my kids are behind in all that summer means in America. They went to their first swimming lessons this year, went to their first camps, got to spend the weekend with their cousins swimming and fishing for the first time, camp out in a pop up trailer for the first time, and had their first summer bonfire.

This summer has made me remember the sights, smells and feel of summer, and I am once again head over heals in love with summer.

5 best things about summer:

feeling the kiss of the sun on your face
sticking your toes into the water and into the sand
Hot bodies
Margaritas
Lazy days and hazy nights

What's your favorite things about summer?

Death and Taxes

2010-07-31T06:10:00.000-07:00

   Nothing in life is guaranteed except death, taxes and change. Change is not always good, it's not always painless, and it's not always what's best, but it's the one thing you can constantly depend on.
   In the last year, I've survived some major changes. My husband (aka The Stud) left the military after 11 years of taking us all over the world.
   We moved from Greece (where we had all the freedom in the world to do what we wanted without the eyes of our families to judge, but where we had none of the comforts of a modern civilized country) to the Twin Cities in Minnesota (where we have all the comforts and none of the privacy from judging eyes).
   We now live with my in-laws, and although it's only temporary (God I hope so), it's not easy to have nothing to call my own. I'm not complaining because I know how very lucky I am to have a place to live (rent free), and people who love me and my family and who are willing to take us in (and most importantly..have room for us).
   Changes...my husband is staying home and going to school while I go to work (first time in ten years)...changes...My youngest goes to Kindergarten this year and my oldest goes to 3rd grade....changes.
   A year from now I will look back at this time and realize these changes were just the beginning...my hair is falling out little by little every day in the shower..stress is a killer....Changes...

Ten steps to surviving a family gathering

2010-07-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

As my husbands family reunion looms near, we have been planning our survival strategy. Here's what we've come up with.

Show up late so that you don't have to endure the entire thing.
Booze
Have code words and signals that only you and your spouse know to communicate when one of you needs to be saved. For example:

Stretching your arms over your head.
Caughing
codewords: Boise, Mayflower, Lindsay Lohan

4. More Booze
5. Keep moving like you are always on a mission or have a
     destination. If you stop or sit down you are much more likely to
     get stuck talking to your great aunt Pearl about her bowel
     movements.
6. Even Moore Booze
7. Have several back up escape plans (kids are not feeling well,
     early morning, etc.)
8. Moore Booze
9. Have a designated driver for your escape plan to work safely.
10. A cocktail to go.

R E S P E C T (find out what it means to me)

2010-07-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

   Women are bitches...period. This is why I never had girlfriends growing up, because woman are bitches. I recently started my waitressing job (as you've already heard me moan and grown about), and the "women are bitches" thing has been reinforced repeatedly there.
   Sunday night we hosted a Mad Men Premiere party...costumes and all...at the restaurant I work at. It was very different from what I have been trained to do so far, but as they say in the Army, "sometimes you must adapt and overcome", so I did. I'm out there (totally frazzled...no idea what I'm doing) working my ass off, when all of a sudden one of the "old timers" working with me goes off on me about how everything I am doing is wrong. "I'm not fast enough", "strong enough", "smart enough"...blah blah blah...right in front of my table of customers. Now for those of you who know me in real life, you'll be impressed to know that I bit my tongue and didn't rip her throat out, but it wasn't without some serious effort. I calmly apologized to her for "causing her more work" (whatever!! The fat bitch didn't do anything for the first couple hours of work) and I walked away. WOOHOO. Score one for the feisty redhead...keeping her temper in check!
   My new favorite person at work, later came up to me and said "Don't worry about her. This isn't brain surgery, it's slinging hash and serving whiskey...any monkey can do this job, but some people like to pretend it's brain surgery...to feel better about their own lives." I cracked up!! How true, and how funny. She may be the next one to go off on me somewhere down the line, but she won a place forever in my heart for those well timed, kind words.
   Seriously though, why are women such bitches to each other? Whenever I meet a woman who can "play nicely with others" I hold on to that friendship because they are hard to find. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a self proclaimed bitch but even I don't act like that. I'm actually just straight forward and honest which sometimes comes off as bitchy, but I can live with the title...whatever...my friends know the truth.

All blocked up and nowhere to go

2010-07-27T15:16:00.000-07:00

So I know you are wondering by now if I was kidnapped or mistaken for Lindsay Lohan and placed in prison for my drunken shananagans....no?....you haven't even noticed I haven't blogged for a week?...well F....fine.
I have a whole lot of stuff going on right now in my life that would make for some good posts, but I find myself staring at the computer frozen. I have nothing worth saying and even if I do..I don't feel like saying it. Hope you all forgive me, and I promise to be back on my meds soon so I can once again wow you with my words of wisdom....what? never wowed you?...ok ok... Maybe one day.

The Stranger in the Mirror Part 2

2010-07-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

   I never really thought about the idea of growing old back when I was young. I guess I just thought it wouldn't happen to me. It was only a couple of years ago, however, when I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. It started with the birth of my oldest child. The first time I looked at myself naked after her birth, I was mortified! That's me? Oh my sweet Jesus! It was another year at least before I even looked at myself in the mirror again, and sex became something I only wanted to do in low lighting.
   By the time my second came along I was becoming more comfortable with the new me, and then on D-day I weighed in at 205lbs. I know I know, shocking right? Thank God for breast feeding, where I lost 60lbs in 4 months and managed to eventually get back down to my pre-baby weight.
   A couple of years ago I began to notice fine lines around my eyes and mouth, and very recently I found my first gray hair...this was followed by about 50 more and now I need a dye job. All of these new found signs of aging suck a big one, but dammit I'm determined to do this with as much grace as humanly possible.
   The Stud has found more than one gray hair himself, but here's the thing....I've said it once and I'll say it again...it's so not fair the way men age versus the way women do. Men age like a fine wine, they get better and hotter with age (bold, fuller flavor). Women age more like a fine cheese, it's smelly and things tend to thin out (not the things we want to thin out either) and get flabby. Not fair!!! More proof that God's a man.

*sigh* I'm going to the store to by wrinkle cream and hair dye right away.....what's the Stud doing?...gloating..that's what.

Woe is me...blah blah blah

2010-07-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

   You may have noticed my long absence from cyberspace...this is due to the pity party of the year! If you weren't there then..... you...must have a life.
   Once again I was turned down for a job that I was more than qualified for. I know I know, I'm preaching to the choir right? I know many of you either have or are going through this same thing, so you know.
I am a very self confident woman, but repeated rejection can make even the most secure person question their self after awhile.
   So here I sit all broken hearted....errrr...you know the rest. Not giving up though, and as of today..the pity party is officially over, but I'm sure there will be another one next week so let me know if you want an invite.
PEACE!!

Toxic Waste

2010-07-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

First of all, I failed the NaBloPoMo challenge for the first time ever by not posting yesterday (long story), but I'm going to continue on with it as if I didn't fail because I'm enjoying the theme and the posting everyday. Here is my post from yesterday that I failed to publish. *sigh*

   Some people should wear this sign around their neck at all times...that way when they spew their vile hate filled ignorance at you, you can steer clear. Unfortunately, this is not the case. People don't come with warning labels, so we are left to find out (mostly the hard way) what peoples warning labels say. Some say things like FRAGILE, DAMAGED or even Contents under pressure!
   Presently I'm dealing with a Toxic Waste, and I have to say that it's the toughest of all the warning signs I've had to deal with...mostly because it encompasses all the other warnings in it and then some.
   Toxic people can literally suck all the happiness out of a room or house, and presently I deal with one such person on a almost daily basis (no not the Stud). It's hard to breathe around people like this. The Stud says it because of how unhappy they are with their own lives, that they can't stand other peoples happiness. I think it's because they are just assholes....but that's just me.
   However you spin it..toxic people are never pleasant to be around, and over exposure can certainly bring you down to the point of depression. It's almost as if they are leeches and suck all the good out of the world around you. If you're friends with one such person....run (don't walk) away as fast as you can! But what do you do if they are your family? I'm sure we can all think of one such person in our lives, and a lot of times they are a close family member....what do you do then?...move?...stop inviting them to family events? What if it's a father, mother or God forbid spouse...then what?
   If you have any advice...I'd love to hear it.

"It's a love story....baby just say yes.."

2010-07-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

   Is true love a fairy tale...or is it just given up on too soon? That's the question I am setting out to answer for my readers. Tonight I will tell you my love story, and next...I want to hear yours. If you don't have a love story..then I would love to hear a story about a moment of passion in your life that you haven't been able to forget. You can leave me your story in the comment section or you can email them to me at mycomfyescape@gmail.com .
   When I was a kid I was a hopeless romantic. I would read sappy love stories or watch old black and white romances and sigh deeply whenever the hero and heroine would finally embrace and share that one passionate kiss that said they belonged together.
   By the time I was 16, I was no longer that true love believer. What happened that made me so jaded and cynical about the very existence of love is not what's really important here, but I'm sure you can guess it left be severely damaged. To some extinct..I stopped loving even myself at that point and just dated one abusive loser after another.
   When I was 21 I had the bright idea to join the Army as an attempt to avoid men. I know I know...before you say anything..let me explain...I do not find men in uniform attractive..I am an Army brat who vowed I would never be with a man in the Army..never date and certainly NOT marry...Famous last words as my dear mom would say (and did on more than one occasion).
   My first assignment in the Army after basic and on the job training, was Chunchon, South Korea. I was the first female in my office in the 30 years it had been open...needles to say my presence made a stir..not a pleasant one either.I got to know the four guys that I worked with every day pretty well. They were my life line there..my only friends..all great guys but exactly what I had come to expect from "Army guys".
   About a month into my tour there one of the four was rotating back to the States, so as is the custom, we threw him a big going away bash, but instead of having it on our little base..we had it on the big base in Seoul. Me, still being fairly new to the Unit and having no interest in social mingling, didn't want to go but I was guilted into it.
   I remember standing there talking to someone, pretending to care about whatever they were talking about, and just wishing to be back home in my room reading one of my endless books (no longer into romance novels, I turned to Science Fiction and horror). It was right about then that I looked up and saw this man standing against the gazebo talking to my friend Joe who was moving. My mouth went kind of dry...my heart started pounding in my ears drowning any further sounds that may have been seeping in from the insistent blabber next to me. My face flushed, and then....we made eye contact. The moment we did..we started moving toward each other. I don't know how long we stood there not talking (I'm guessing a few seconds..since The Stud had been in the middle of a conversation with the guest of honor), but then Joe cleared his throat and with a smirk on his face he introduced me to my future husband. It wasn't until we got married (less than a year later) that I found out from my in-laws that the Stud had called his parents at that going away party for Joe..woke them up (it was 3am in MN) and told them, "I just met the woman I'm going to marry." Luckily for him he kept that nugget to himself in the beginning, but pretty quickly he burned through all of that old cynicism I had built up around my heart and I knew a few months into it that he was the only man I could and would ever love.
   So, there's my love story...is true love real?..I think so. After 10 years of all sorts of trials and tribulations and two children...I still get butterflies when he walks into a room. I can't stop touching him, loving him, kissing him, and I wouldn't want to.
   What's your story? I can't wait to hear it!

Oh just give me a yes or no already!!!

2010-07-15T19:17:00.000-07:00

   I'm on freakin' pins and needles waiting to hear about this damn job, and believe me...it's not as comfy as this picture depicts.
   Also I have my last day of training at my banquet serving job tomorrow, and I am nervous. Not because of how hard it is or anything like that..it is a supper easy job, but it's also so fucking difficult at the same time. My body took like 4 days to recover from my last training shift...damn...I feel so old trying to keep up with these 20 something bitches. I couldn't even keep up with the 50+ year olds that worked there either though...so whatever..I'm just out of shape I guess. It's been a few years since I went to basic training..what can I say?
   Anyhow, if I seem all over the place lately in my blogging...it's because I'm a bit distracted with all this work bull shit, plus The Stud being laid up with his (ahem) back injury. I promise to come (hehe) around soon. Hopefully you'll all still be around. Love. Peace. Cheers!

Groundhog Day!!

2010-07-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

   Have you heard the expression, "choose your battles"? Does anyone really get what that means? My mom use to say it all the time, and I never got it. I think I get it a bit more now that I am a wife and a mother, but what happens when you choose the same battle over and over?
   Do you feel like you have the same fights with your children or husband over and over....a never ending groundhog day (think movie with Bill Murray)? I do. Some days I too feel like kidnapping that little furry beast and driving over a cliff just to end the monotony (again...Bill Murray....ooo never mind).
   With my kids, I may tell them every single day that they have to eat all snacks at the kitchen table or that they have to wash and flush after they use the toilet, but it never fails...I'll end up telling them the same things tomorrow.
   With the Stud...sigh...I think we have the same three or four fights over and over again. For nine years those three or four fights haven't differed much..until recently. Now we have three or four fights over and over again, but they are new fights...ones I don't already know before I start how they will turn out (you know what I mean ladies...and gents).
   Through a lot of recent circumstances, the Stud and I have spent more time together than we have in our entire marriage...this is good and bad. I feel like I am getting the chance to know him all over again...no longer the young kid I married, but the man...husband...father who I adore.
   I love this time we have right now, and do not for a second take it for granted, but it's not all easy nor pain free. I find myself having all of those silly doubts and insecurities you may have at the beginning of a relationship...during the feeling out period. I catch myself thinking crazy irrational things like, "does he love me?" "does he find me attractive?" "I don't think he has anything to talk to me about anymore" "maybe the magic is gone" and on and on for days..I think these things. Our friends and family who constantly say things like "eww, get a room" to us would really think I was cracked if they read this, but I admitted it was irrational...so there!
   The flip side (and I am well aware of this..so daddies don't get your boxers in a wad) is that he is having the same three or four fights with me as well, and he doesn't have access to the inner workings of my brain either. For all I know he could have his own new set of insecurities (HA! yeah right...not the Stud).
    So how do we "choose other battles" and let go of the same ones we've been waging for years?...well first (and I'm saying this to myself first and foremost) we try to listen to our partner next time the age old battle begins and try to hear what he/she is saying. Then we try to remember to honor his/her feelings/wishes to the best of our abilities.....and when that doesn't work........there's always that cliff.

.....Not the bedtime story you remember.....

2010-07-13T15:23:00.000-07:00

As promised, I am reviewing an erotic novel that is part of a trilogy by Anne Rice. The book is called The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty and it is HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!!!!

   The book of course starts out pretty similarly to the original kids story. The big handsome prince rides up on his horse to see if the rumors of the sleeping princess are true. He gets to the castle that eternally sleeps and finds his predecessors all dead at the gate entangled in deadly thorns. He of course defeats the.....thorn bush?...them must have been some big ass thorns, and goes in search of his prize.
   When he see's Beauty laying on the bed in her frozen state (and this is where it begins to quickly differentiate from the Disney classic we all know and love) he instantly gets rock hard, so of course he strolls over to her rips her dress off with the tip of his sword and begins fondling her. Then he decides to fully "claim her" by driving deep within her and at that point..."beauty opened her beautiful eyes and looked at him".
   WOW...Seriously? They call that rape where I come from, but whatever.
   Next the father is summoned to the room and beauty isn't allowed to put clothes on. The prince announces he has "awoken" Beauty and will be taking her back to his kingdom to "serve". The father and prince share a brief awkward exchange where you discover that the king and his queen both "served" in this same way, and then they give him permission to take her. Did I mention she is 15? However, this is a period piece and you were considered a woman at like 13 then.
   They begin the long trek back to his kingdom and along the way there is a lot of sex..some bondage...a public spanking in the town square, a bit of torture (all very erotic...to read...ahem) oh and did I mention he still doesn't allow Beauty to wear clothes or cover herself or she will be punished. There are a few scenes where he is spanking her and describing the feel of her ass burning under his hand, and the feel of her squirming on his lap, and of course his painful erection..I have to admit I thought that scene was pretty freakin' hot.
   When they finally get to his castle, Beauty finds out she has been given over to sexual slavery by her dear parents and she is immediately "out on display" for the court.
   The book is full of your deepest darkest unspoken fantasies, and a number you never knew you had. I highly recommend it as a great summer read. Next month, I will be reviewing the sequel titled Beauty's Punishment. I have already read all three books so I can already tell you..steamy!!!

Here is the song that was playing over and over in my head as I re-read this series....just to give you an idea....happy reading!

Again Mr.Gibson...really?

2010-07-12T18:02:00.000-07:00

    Radaronline.com released another recording of Mel Gibson's voice threatening to kill his girlfriend and admitting to hitting her and knocking two teeth out while she was holding their baby. The full 8 minute recorded phone conversation can be heard here. Of course I must say this is "allegedly" Mel Gibson's voice, but for anyone who has seen all of his movies and admired him from childhood..we know it's you "Mister" Gibson..you have a distinctive voice.
   Geese Louise Mel, do you suffer from hoof-in-mouth disease or what? I was saddened by it on Friday when the first tape recording surfaced, but this new one today has pushed past any of my long past childhood infatuation for you into good old fashioned anger.
   He called Oksana Grigorieva a cunt and a whore and all kinds of other outrageous things, and said she should just smile and blow him because he "fucking deserves it"...seriously? Ewwww..What a sad little excuse for a human being...if anyone every needed saving...it's Oksana and her daughter....RUN HONEY...RUN!!

I think I may lose it....or maybe I already have....

2010-07-11T17:37:00.000-07:00

   As I sit here writing this, my two "adorable" children are upstairs fighting for the hundredth time today. This moment I could bash their sweet little heads together...which is why I am keeping my hands busy.
   I've had a hell of a week, starting with the Stud hurting his back Friday morning (never mind how) and me having to take him to the chiropractor. When he first arrived there he could barely walk...he was better when left...but not much. We got him some medicine (which barely took the edge off) and he iced it for the rest of the day. We somehow made it through Friday night and Saturday morning (because the chiropractor is family) we went back...at 7:45am. That time he was much better when we left, but I had to get him home and comfy and then guess whose first day of work it was (in ten years)?...mine that's whose.
   I made sure the Stud had everything he needed before I left...said a little prayer that nothing would happen to any of them while I was gone, and headed to work. My first night as a banquet server and I'm doing a wedding reception for 200 people. Talk about being thrown into the deep end. I meet my trainer, get the tour and then I have to stand around forever because the boss screwed up the times and I was there 2 hours early.
   After it started..it was balls to the wall! I have never worked so hard. I loved it, but DAMN!!! I was so tired last night when I was done that I almost cried with tears of relief. Those fucking trays weigh a fucking ton!!! Anyhoo....I was sore, blistered, bruised and starving by the time I finished. The best thing I can see about working somewhere that has unionized is that we get a hot meal after every shift, and even though it was after 10pm when I finished..I ate that hot food like it was the first food I'd had in 10 hours...cuz it was.
   Last night's post was written after that whole ordeal which is why it was so short....but hey..I wrote something..that's commitment! I love you guys.
   Today was much better, except for how sore I am and the fact I can't wear anything but flipflops because of the amount of blisters on my toes...ouch!! The Stud is much recovered today (woohoo) so I think maybe I will have to take him to bed early tonight (don't worry I'll be gentle this time).

        Oh yeah, and Congratulations Spain!!

My first day of work in 10 years!

2010-07-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

This is what I learned...I'm old...now I have to take my tired ass to bed. I have blisters on both feet and bruises everywhere. I look like I got in a fight with Mike Tyson.
So....goodnight and don't forget to tip your servers.

WTF!!!!

2010-07-09T18:19:00.000-07:00

   Today is a sad day for The Gadge. All my young girl fantasies about Mel Gibson have been slowly dying for some time now, but today they took their last jagged breath and then sadly ceased to be.
   I love the internet...I love that you can find out so many things about different people...all with a click of a button, but sometimes.....sometimes I long for the days where all we knew about a actor/actress we gleaned from their bodies of work.
   Mel's body of work tells me that he is an honorable man..a man that stands up for what he believes in..a man who knows how to love a woman (hello that scene in Braveheart...you know the one...began my obsession with Scottish Highlander romance novels...don't judge!!). Then today I'm over at radaronline.com and I read this. Go ahead read it..I'll wait. Go ahead..I even have a musical interlude while you read the article.

         Can you believe that shit!!!!

America, I am so sad...it's like finding out that Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Toothfairy all exist, but they hate children or they are all convicted child molesters or something.
DAMN YOU MEL!!!! How dare you take away my childhood dreams like that. You are a bad bad man Mr. Gibson, and you know that thing that you told Oksana was going to happen to her if she continued to dress like a "whore"....well I hope that thing happens to you instead...everyday when you inevitably go to jail you racist, sexist prick!

You might as well face it.....

2010-07-08T19:58:00.000-07:00

This just in...Love is a drug yo!

According to a Biological Anthropologist at Rutgers University Love is addictive! No shit Sherlock Holmes!! The article (which you can read here) says that in a scientific study of "heartbroken" men and women they discovered that when they had them in a MRI machine and showed them pictures of their ex's, parts of their brains lit up like the 4th of July. Which parts you ask...well..the parts linked to addiction cravings, physical pain and distress, and the control of ones emotions. HOT DAMN!! Well that explains the stalker I had in college....no seriously....it says that this may be why people who lose their loves are sometimes prone to violence. Holy shit! Thanks lady..now every psycho bitch out their with a broken heart has a license to kill...or at the very least stalk, maim and terrorize.
Oh well...I'm off to get my fix.

Saved!

2010-07-07T09:59:00.000-07:00

Lead Us ~~Not~~ Into Temptation

Hilary Faye: Mary, turn away from Satan. Jesus, he loves you.
Mary: You don't know the first thing about love.
Hilary Faye: [throws a Bible at Mary] I am FILLED with Christ's love! You are just jealous of my success in the Lord.
Mary: [Mary holds up the Bible] This is not a weapon! You idiot.

It may not be a weapon, but a lot of people have died in it's name and for it's existence.

The other day my daughter was talking to a little girl in the doctor's office waiting room. The conversation went something like this...I will call the other little girl "The Devil's Spawn" for the sake of this story, and because I didn't bother learning her real name.
Little Miss Sunshine- Hey my name is_____, what's yours?
The Devil's Spawn- (nonsensical ramblings under her breath) My brother is at church school today...did you know that our bodies are made of clay? The Bible says so.
Little Miss Sunshine- No. Our bodies are skin, bone and blood...I watch a lot of Doctor Shows (Grey's Anatomy...house etc).
The Devil's Spawn- Did you go to church on Sunday?
Little Miss Sunshine- No.
The Devil's Spawn- Oh!!! You're going to go to hell!!! Did you know that?
Little Miss Sunshine- So what.
The Devil's Spawn- (shocked silence)!!!! Don't you want to go to Heaven?
Little Miss Sunshine- What's so great about Heaven? My parents will be there...so I won't get to have any fun anyhow.
The Devil's Spawn- Oh.....wanna play?

   What the hell are we teaching our kids? For the record (not that it matters) The Stud and I do take the kids to church, but we are letting them decide every week and make their own decisions about their faith. I don't believe in brain washing our children into little Yous and Is'. I think faith is a deeply personal choice and do not appreciate anyone (even 6 year olds who have no opinions of their own for the most part) telling my kids that they are going to hell! About that though...I've very proud of my Little Miss Sunshine for her answer and I couldn't help but laugh at her attitude about this little girls message.
   Watch out world...I'm raising some strong independent redheads over here!

Save me from myself

2010-07-06T17:34:00.000-07:00

   I wake up covered in sweat..the slow even breathing of my lover brings me out of my nightmare.
   Ever worry that things are too perfect in your life, and you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop? This seems to be me my whole life whenever things get good. I worry...obsess, and then when things don't go to hell in a hand basket...I seem to find ways to sabotage my own happiness anyway. *sigh*
   One of the true testaments of the Stud's devotion to me (I believe) is that all the times I've tried to sabotage us...he's refused to let me.
   What the hell is wrong with me?! As I lay in bed listening to his breathing, I think about the hours earlier when he did things to me that people only read about in really good erotic novels....and here I am worrying about our relationship. If I'm honest with myself (which I always am...eventually), then I admit that this is the best our relationship has been in the almost ten years we've been a couple. He's not only my husband, lover and the father of my children..he's my best friend...confidant and true life partner in every way. Then the fear comes again. What's gonna go wrong? How will this end? Will he decide he can't put up with my bullshit and finally leave...finally? Is that what I've been waiting for? Yes...I admit it...and the stress is nearly killing me.
   Why are we (especially women) like this? Is it all of us...or just the ones who have been badly wounded at some point in our lives...that's easy I guess...we've all been wounded in some way right?....men and women are the same in that regard. But we women....even when we think we are over our pain..we carry it around with us for the rest of or lives and punish those closest to us with it.
   I need to build a Oubliette - (noun, french) a little place of forgetting... (tho mine may need to be a large place of forgetting) and cast all of my fears and insecurities down into it, lock it and throw away the key. This is my last thought as I finally drift back to sleep. I'm building it tonight..my oubliette...even I deserve to be happy.... Please.....just let yourself be truly happy for once in your life...

...but I believe Aang can save the world!

2010-07-05T16:16:00.000-07:00

   The Stud and I took our kids to see The Last Airbender today. Being long time fans of the cartoon series, we have been anxiously awaiting this film. Being a fan of M.Night Shyamalan's movies (even though some of them blew ass) we were even more excited to see if he could deliver.
   I have been shocked by the non-love the critics have had for this film, and I admit I defended the film before even watching it. Now, however, I am very glad I did.
   I think the movie was fantastic! It was not only beautiful to watch, but it also kept the integrity of the original story. This kid Noah Ringer shaved his head and made his audition video in his parent's basement...wow..you go kid!! He really does look like Aang (Not too mention he is a first degree black belt in real life).
   Anyhow, if you are thinking about taking your kids to see it, and you aren't familiar with the story. I highly

recommend renting or buying the cartoon series and watching that first. Let me be clear, it's not necessary to see the cartoon to understand the movie..they are the same story, however it may make you appreciate the movie a bit more.

**Get the collector's edition of book one of the cartoon series from Amazon.com by clicking on the link at the bottom of this post.**

Happy Independence Day....and a special thanks.

2010-07-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

On this Independence day I want to stop and say a few thank yous. First a special thanks to my dad who fought in both Korea and Vietnam...to my brother-in-law Phil who served in the US Military, to my brother-in-law Tom who served a tour in Iraq and lost a lot because of it, to my nephew Matt who just came home from Iraq, to my nephew-in-law (also) Matt who is getting ready to be deployed, to my nephew-in-law Carlos who spent a long time on the front lines in Iraq and will go again, to my cousin Breanna who served in Iraq, and my many aunts and uncles on my husbands side who all served this country, and last but not least to my one and only..the Stud himself. Thank you baby for everything you gave up and sacrificed to secure our freedom for the last eleven years.
To the rest of you I know personally (I could never name you all) I love you all and appreciate your sacrifices even more than your average citizen because I lived those sacrifices, and continue to live them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To those who paid the ultimate sacrifice for all of our freedom, I say thanks to you and to your families....your lives will never be forgotten.

"All gave some,
some gave all"
Original Author Unknown

How Papi saved us from the embarrassment of losing to the oldest players in softball.

2010-07-03T09:32:00.000-07:00

The stud plays on a softball team here locally with a good friend of his from middle school and high school. The team is called Generic Erik and the Diamond Divas, it's co-ed and has a fabulous group of people on it. They may not win a lot of games, but they put their whole heart and soul into every game and I really enjoy watching them.
These are pictures I took a few weeks ago at one such game. We won this game largely due to this player pictured below whom we call Papi. Scroll down and watch how the ball stays ahead of him till the end. Also it looks like a home movie if you scroll it just right.

~SAFE~

WIPE OUT!!!
Don't worry the old geezer Papi knocked over walked away with everything intact but his pride.

I love the sights, sounds, and smells of summer and this now includes softball.

This weeks SAVED in the news...

2010-07-02T14:10:00.000-07:00

As my readers know, I am doing NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) again this month, and I've decided to really explore all the possibilities for the use of the word SAVED (this months NaBloPoMo theme). To Start things off, I'm gonna share some interesting news stories I found when I Googled SAVED.

The first one is about how BP finally got their head partially dislodged from their ass and teamed up with the US Coast Guard to save some turtles in trouble. Read the full article here. This may not seem like a big deal to the non tree huger type, but it is. These sea turtles were in danger before the spill and many died since the spill either from getting stuck in the crude oil or from getting burnt to death in the "controlled" burn. So bravo BP, that's one small step for BP and one large snap for turtle-kind.
The next story is one I'd label who the fuck cares, but here it is anyhow.

Apparently Miley Cyrus was at a nail salon and the paparazzi were making her "uncomfortable" when her big semi-hunky boyfriend Liam Hemsworth showed up and whist her away to lunch. Wait....what? Who the fuck cares? Who's this Liam guy anyhow? Isn't Miley like 17 years old? If you are sick of hearing celebutantes whine about how the paparazzi won't leave them alone, raise your hand......now tell me if you raised your hand....OF COURSE YOU DID!!! No one wants to hear about how bad a rich persons life is...personally it makes me want to throw myself in one of the 11,000 nearby lakes. If you care to read this article, (shame on you) here it is.
Last but not least, I bring a news story about a 4th of July fireworks show that almost didn't happen in Seattle Washington.

Here's the jest for anyone still reading this...The big financial backer who normally funds the 4th of July fireworks show in Seattle backed out in April. This sent the world off it's axes I guess, because all these sandal wearing, Patruli smelling hippies raised half a million dollars in two months through a local radio station and now it's Fireworks Back On!!! Really? I mean I'm real happy for you and all, but there are lots of causes right now I haven't heard about you raising $500,000 for......that whole Gulf thing just to give an example. Thousands of people are out of work in Louisiana alone, but hey...you got your fireworks display saved...so good for you.
Don't get your Birkenstocks in a bunch....I'm just fucking with you..I really don't care what you do...you gave us Kurt Cobain and Soundgarden....what more can we ask for.

Stay tuned for more SAVED the whole month of July.

Oops I did it........AGAIN?

2010-07-01T18:00:00.000-07:00

    I know you know that I'm a psychotic bitch, but just in case you are new here..I just signed up for NaBloPoMo again for the third time.....crazy I know. With summer in full swing and me starting a new job this month, I'm not sure how I'll manage everyday posting, but I'm gonna try. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to participate in this months theme....SAVED.
   So many images come to mind when I hear that word (SAVED). The picture to the left is the first one. First off, if you haven't seen that movie, it's hilarious! It's also a pretty accurate representation of the church youth groups I attended as a teenager. I was a preachers daughter remember? (shut up)
I had a lot of church, therefore I have many funny church stories and I plan to tell a few this month.
   If you've been around long enough you know how my devious mind works and you know I'll have many different topics I can pull out of my ass with that one theme. If any of you care to join me with this challenge, I encourage you to do so. I will come by daily and check you out (How you doin'?).
   Anyhow I have lots of ideas for this month plus I'll be reviewing my first erotic novel...so all in all...should be a good month. Cheers!

Team Edward fans may be closet Lesbians

2010-06-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

Calm the frack down all you TwiMoms out there. I am a total fan of the book version of Edward, but lets face it....with his narrow shoulders and soft feminine features Robert Patterson is no Book Edward. Book Edward or B.E. would totally kick his little wussy, whiny ass. Now I know as I am writing this that I am gonna get some fall out over this, but bring it on. I totally stand by my statements..in fact I hate Movie Edward so much that I have switched sides for the movies and am a Team Jacob fan...just Movie Jacob though...Book Jacob sounded like a big giant freak....just saying.
Now you'll have to excuse me, I have to go get in line to buy my Eclipse tickets before they run out....AHEM (clears throat)..I mean I have errands to run..yeah that's the ticket..I mean story...err..whatever.

Spies Like Them

2010-06-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

Russian spies here in America? NO! I guess Putin finally got to Spies Like Us in his Netflix queue and had an AHAH moment. "Well, if they can send Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd to spy on Mother Russia...we will return the favor by sending our best idiots to spy on them."......or something like that... If you are lost due to living under a rock or being in line for Eclipse tickets for the last week, then (first of all shame on you!) click here and here for the full story.
Do svidaniya (duh svee-dah-nee-ye) Bitches!

My fabulous life...

2010-06-27T16:44:00.000-07:00

So last week I wrote a post called Two out of three ain't bad and this week I got the third thing on my wish list....a job. WOOHOO!!! That's right, The Gadge got a job at a upscale cafe in NE MN. I will be serving chicken or beef to lots of drunk wedding parties..woohoo. Hey, I'm not knocking it...it's a job, and one that I can potentially make a lot of money doing. I is one happy bitch!

Hmmmmmm what should I wish for next? Maybe a literary agent to knock on my door and tell me he/she wants to get my book published....yeah...that's the ticket! Here's hoping I'm on a roll. Oh and here's hoping the people I work with are as cool as these guys in the movie Waiting.

Dora, my Rabbit and...my Mother-in-Law?

2010-06-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

   Are you a dreamer? I am. I don't think I have ever missed a night dreaming. Not only do I dream, but my dreams are vivid and usually flow like a movie or good book...usually.
   Last night however, I dreamt in weird cut up pieces that were reminiscent of a David Lynch film. Seriously.
   First I was really aroused in my dream and was trying to get The Stud to have sex with me to no avail (thank God this only happens in my dreams), then I decided to take my "toy rabbit" out and do the job myself. Next my mother-in-law walked in on me and I was mortified while she mumbled something about that being gross and walked away. Next I locked my door finished the job (had an orgasm in my dream..yeah I do that), and then the really weird part happened......I met Dora the Explorer.
   I know I know....that's weird. The weird part is she was a cartoon but she was older. I was so confused by my dream that I decided to consult the online dream guide...it says:

To see a specific cartoon character in your dream, consider the qualities and traits you associate with that particular character and how those traits come into play in some aspect of your waking life or situation. For example, to see Bugs Bunny in your dream may suggest your slyness and sneakiness. To see the Roadrunner may refer to something you are running from and not confronting.

Hmmmmmm....what traits does Dora have? She is always searching for something...now I don't mean to get too deep about a cartoon dream, but that sounds kind of like me. I dreamt that she was 18...wait...aha! Now I have it....When I look up the other two aspects of my dream I get that I am insecure or stressed out about something....NO SHIT SHERLOCK HOLMES!!! I think all this has to do with school and job stress...Thank Sweet Baby Jebus!
I was worried for a moment that maybe I was sexually attracted to a cartoon character and just didn't know it. Whew!

Stop laughing at me and tell me what's the most fucked up dream you've ever had? **side note: this was NOT my most fucked up dream ever.**

Two out of three aint bad....

2010-06-23T15:42:00.000-07:00

What I feel like...

I got into school!! And I got it paid for!!!! And I still have no job....oh well, two out of three is a great start!

A more realistic me...

Notice the confused look on her face....yep that will be me.

Woohoo to me for getting into college. I started college in 1995.....it's about damn time I finished...huh?

Look out world, here I come!

2010-06-22T17:30:00.000-07:00

It's time for me to slip back into my naughty school girl outfit....knee socks and all....cuz today I applied for a new job (keep your fingers crossed), for college (it's about fucking time I finish), and for financial aid (duh..because I have no job). It was very exciting, but now I am so tired from all the running around that I MUST collapse in my soft bed. The Stud's up there waiting for his school girl...hope I get a passing grade. *wink wink*

Happy Father's Day!!

2010-06-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

"Hopefully we were all daddy’s little girl. He was and hopefully still is wrapped around our little finger. Not to take advantage of…more just for the comfort of knowing he is there."

I talked to my daddy on the phone today to wish him a happy father's day and I was amazed at how the sound of his voice, even after all these years, reduces me to a pile of mush. I was (am) the biggest daddy's girl, and I am not ashamed of that. I am thankful for having such an amazing relationship with my father. It not only nurtured me into the (slightly dysfunctional) person I am today, but it taught me what it meant to be a good father and husband, so when The Stud came along I was able to see those qualities for what they were.

So Happy Father's Day to all my daddy readers out there, and a very special one to my two favorite daddies...mine and the one I am lucky enough to be married to.

An Award, A List and Another List...

2010-06-19T07:57:00.000-07:00

   I was given an award ya'll! Crazy I know. Tawnya from Diary of a Transplanted Southerner gave me the award called the Beautiful Blogger Award (awww shucks...*blushing*..)
   First off Tawnya....have you read my blog? LOL Just kidding. I love you because you are one of most loyal readers and commenters. I am truly honored that you chose me. My only problem is that part of the rules are to tag five bloggers I recently descovered, and I would normally have you at the top of that list cuz I love stalking you. You're all grace and southern charm and it makes me homesick. Thanks again sugar! xoxoxo
   Now for the rules:

Thank the person who gave you the award. (check)
List 7 things about yourself your readers do not know.
Award 5 bloggers who you've recently discovered.

Seven things my readers don't know about me..hmmm. that's hard..I kind of put it all out there (even shit you never wanted to know...hehe). Ok, here goes.

I'm a preacher's daughter (oh shut up)
I am writing a book about growing up in the church (yes it is a comedy...how did you know?)
I like the smell of a skunk (don't judge me!!)
I am allergic to Mr. Bubble bubble bath.
I once sang the Star Spangled Banner at a college women's lacrosse game.
I am terribly afraid of clowns and yet I was a Clown For Christ in college.
I love old black and white movies and big band music.

There ya go....more shit about me you didn't ask for. Ta da!!! Now lastly I must pass this on to 5 bloggers I have started reading recently ( I am using that word loosely in some cases cuz I've read some of you for a few months now). Here we go:

A Bourbon For Silvia (love her!!!)
Carrying a Cat By The Tail (daddy bloggers can be beautiful too)
I forgot What I Was Doing (she's my soul sista)
Think Tank Momma (she rocks)
Wicked Girls Think It, Do You? (Last but not least...I love you Wicked Shawn!)

There are many many more that I adore, but the rules said recently discovered, and these were my most recent amazing finds... Thanks again Tawnya! Love you! xoxoxoxoxo

It's Friday...let's get our Freak on!!!

2010-06-18T16:21:00.000-07:00

I have decided to put my normal book club on hold for a while. I have already read the entire series (Stephen King's The Dark Tower Series...it's amazing!!) and there are so many new books out there that I am dying to read. I have never reviewed a romance novel and I sure as hell have never reviewed an erotic novel....until now! That's right...you read that right. I am going to be (re)reading A.N.Roquelaure's (aka Anne Rice) Sleeping Beauty Series (think the Disney version, but with whips, chains, and spankings). The first one in the three book series is probably my favorite. It's so hot and I can't wait to read it again. The book is called The claiming of Sleeping Beauty. I really and truly hope that some of my sinfully delicious readers will get this book and read it with me. I'm gonna read it this month and read the other two one every month after that (even though I promise you'll devour them in one sitting). It may kill me to drag it out that long, but it will be a sweet and satisfying death. Horny...errrrr...I mean happy reading!!! *wink wink*

This book is also available in Kindle format.

Happy Birthday to the Stud!!!

2010-06-17T14:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Stud!

It's the Stud's birthday today (in case you missed the big bold letters at the top). I wish I could have done a lot more for him today, but it's hard to plan things with no job to back you up. We went to breakfast as a family this morning at our favorite breakfast joint, then I took him to a movie this afternoon with his kids and I'm taking him out to dinner tonight with some good friends, but I can't help feeling like he deserves more for his birthday.....after all...HE IS the Stud!
SO................
I give you Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday to the President (who was also a Stud).

I love you baby!!!
Hope you had a great birthday!!
xoxoxoxoxxxoxoxoxoxoxo

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

2010-06-14T13:42:00.000-07:00

“The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry” ~Robert Burns

   I can feel it slipping away...a little bit everyday. I stare at myself in the mirror searching my face for any sign of her. A small wrinkle in the corner of my eyes makes me remember a time of laughing in my dear friend Cheryl's backyard...a glass of wine in my hand, our children laughing and playing, our husbands coming up with their plan to take over the world...life was good.
   I see a smoldering look in my eyes for half a second and remember a girl who was never afraid to speak her mind to anyone and always stood up for herself. Where are those girls now?
   After another minute, all I see is pain and loss. I feel like the shell of my former self. How did this happen? Where did she go? Is she gone for good?

Depression is a bitch.....

My Anniversary, comedy troops and a....dry casino? OH MY!

2010-06-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

   Today is mine and the Stud's ninth wedding anniversary. In those nine years we have had two children (both girls..God help us), moved eight times and survived (in more than one way) two deployments to Iraq. It hasn't always been perfect..some days it wasn't even fun, but there was never a shortage of love or mutual respect and I am thankful for that today and everyday.
   As some of you already have heard me ranting about on Twitter, the Stud and I had a little romantic get away this past weekend for our anniversary. *Disclaimer*We did it at the last minute so we didn't really have time to check out our destination.
   We have always wanted to go see a live comedy show, and we saw that The Second City (Chicago) was going to be performing at the Mystic Lake Casino and Resort that Friday. We called, booked the room, bought the tickets at ticketmaster, and started packing.
   We were so excited to be getting out without the kids. We got in the car drove an hour or so south of our house, and found the most beautiful and "seemingly" perfect vacation spot on an Indian reservation...right in our back yard. We checked in and the lady at the desk says "I just need you to sign this form stating that you agree to abide by our no alcohol or fire arms on the premises....we are a dry facility." Seriously? ok....I have a whole slew of jokes but I'm gonna just say....we were shocked.
   Once the shock wore off we decided to head over to the casino and check that out. We were the youngest people there...simply said. Nothing but wall to wall blue hair. Oh well...The buffet was fantastic! Also...we met the nicest 60 year old lady..she plays World of Warcraft too just like us. So, we bonded over our geekness and then the highlight of my trip was when she was telling us a story about dealing with her online guild, and she said "there is no I in team, but there are three U's in shut the fuck up!" I laughed so hard I almost peed... Thank you random stranger. You are the coolest lady ever (and a red head)!
   Finally we did get to see our Improv comedy show and it was fantastic!! All in all a great weekend but next time I will find a place that I can bring my friends Jose and Jack.
   Tonight we are going out on a date to celebrate the actual day. I feel very blessed! I am one lucky woman.

"Plastic Joy Award" no this isn't a sex toy review....

2010-06-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

Wicked Shawn from Wicked Girls Think It, Do You? tagged me back in a meme right after I tagged her...hey turn around is fair play in more than just the bedroom. Because her blog rocks and I love her dirty mind, I am more than willing to do the post...I am honored to be tagged. Read her list here.
Now lets get down and dirty. When you're tagged for this, you are supposed to list 5 characters who you'd love a sweaty roll in the hay with, then you have to list your reasons why them....this is gonna be tough, but lets give it a go.

My list is as follows:

1.) Tyler Durden from the movie Fight Club~because I want to know what he was doing to that girl with those pink gloves and that spatula..he's a very very bad boy.

2.) Special Agent Seeley Booth from Bones~He's a paradox...on one hand he's very militant and stiff in his FBI issued suit and tie, but he wears a red belt buckle and cowboy boots. Normally that would do nothing for me, but that man would look good in anything or in nothing at all. He catches his man every time with the help of his beautiful sidekick and he's not intimidated by her even though she's smarter than he is. I love a man that's not intimidated by a strong woman.

3.) Dean Winchester from Supernatural~ Ummmm....he's smoking hot and he's a bad ass demon killer along with his almost as hot but really annoying brother Sam.

4.) Eric Northman from True Blood~Ok Wicked Shawn, don't get your thong in a bunch..I'm not stealing him. I'll list six since I took one of yours, but hey I'm down with sharing him if you're into that...wink wink* He's just yummy and dangerous and well...I guess I have a type..LOL

5 & 6) Kahlan and Cara from Legend of the Seeker~Yes they're both women...I know. I (like some other "Wicked" people I know) have a girl crush....mine just happens to be on two women from the same show. If you've seen this show then you know it's all about eye candy. The main dude in the show is so smoking hot and thankfully is without a shirt most episodes..the women are always in different leather dominatrix outfits with a ton of cleavage and lots of slow motion fight sequences....the show is awesome and the eye candy is just my flavor.

First Kahlan...she's like the symbol of purity on the show (except when she is making out with Cala or Richard)...almost always in white (except for when she's in her leather...wow).

Last but not least Cara, who is a bad ass bitch who tortures men for fun. She looks awesome in her red leather and she looks pretty good without it too. She's kissed almost as many women as men on the show and I find her to be not only sassy and hot, but a very strong woman.

So That's my list! Now I'm supposed to tag five people to do this post. Oh without hesitation my list is:

1. Marymac from Pajamas and Coffee
2. Mary from The Mama Mary Show
3. Pam from I Forgot What I Was Doing
4. Vanilla North from A Bourbon For Silvia (I know I know two in a row..I love that dirty mind of yours)
5. Jen from The World According To Jennifer

Happy Blogging :)

Ten things that make me happy...

2010-06-05T19:38:00.000-07:00

My friend and fellow blogger Mary from the Mama Mary Show tagged me in a Meme. Click on her link to read her ten favorite things, and while you're there stick around and read some more because she has a really great blog.
My ten favorite things took me a while to come up with..I have so many things in my life that make me happy...I am very blessed! I'm not even sure these are my top ten, but they are most definitely up there.

1. Coffee (preferably from Caribou Coffee)

2. Watching my favorite shows on i Tunes in my soft bed. (Now that it's summer that list will include Weeds, True Blood, Royal Pains, Leverage and one or two Real Housewives shows)

3. Chocolate...dark and rich (like I like my...um...coffee)

4. Snuggling (either with the Stud or my Little Misses)

5. Staying in bed all day with a good book (probably on my Kindle)

6. Shoes and purses ( I have a real weakness)

7. Margaritas with friends (or wine...either or both)

8. Music (some specific songs that always make me smile are...Drops of Jupiter by Train, Learning how to smile by Everclear and At Last by Etta James to name just a few)

9. Waking up in my mom's house to the smell of a big southern breakfast (oh my!)

10. The smell of a Spring day after it rains....(especially in the South with Magnolias in full bloom)

Now my favorite part! I get to tag ten people to tell me what makes them happy.

1. Stesha Sims from Hot Chocolate Carmel Mocha

2. John and Ryan from John Ross Palmer's Blog

3. Laurie from Manic Motherhood

4. Cheryl from Rice, Beans and Pastichio

5. Wicked Shawn from Wicked Girls Think It, Do You?

6. Tawnya from Diary of a Transplanted Southerner

7. Brahm from Alfred Lives Here

8. Mama from Everyday Mama

9. Vanilla North from A Bourbon For Silvia

10. Laura Blue from Vodka Logic

Have Fun!!! And don't hate me.... ;)

My Romantic Getaway

2010-06-04T08:44:00.000-07:00

   It's mine and the Stud's 9th wedding anniversary on Wednesday next week, but because it falls in the middle of a very busy week (kids last week of school), we are going away this weekend to celebrate it.
   I am so excited! I can literally count on one hand how many nights away from the kids we've had. We didn't go on a honeymoon after we got married and since then we've occasionally went to a local hotel for the evening and left the girls with close friends and family.
   Well tonight's the night baby!! I am thrilled to be getting away, but even more thrilled to be going to a live comedy improv show tonight to see The Second City perform at the casino and resort we are staying at...fun fun! I will not be bringing my computer so try not to miss me too much...HA!! ;)

           Have a great weekend!!!!

Thirsty Thursday drink of the week...

2010-06-03T19:44:00.000-07:00

   The Dirty Martini...extra dirty...

   So I didn't get a single drunk story in my inbox...shame shame on all of you (not really). Today at least, I will not be doing a drunk story piece (you've already heard most of mine), instead I will do another cocktail showcase.
   I've always wanted to saunter into a bar in a long sparkly black dress with a slit all the way up one side and utter the words..."I'll have a dirty martini..(then lean over the bar and in my most sultry voice)... better make it extra dirty." It's a James Bond girl fantasy (have lots of those...love the white go go boots) that I have, but it is a real drink. It's the same as a dirty martini but with three olives instead of one.
   Another possibility I've considered wearing to order my extra dirty martini is the "dirty martini costume"....ummmm yeah.....

.......anyhow...hope to hear your funny drunk stories for next week's post..have a fan(fucking)tastic weekend!

Changes are coming...

2010-06-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

   Happy first day of June everyone!! June is a huge month for me and my family. The stud and I will celebrate our ninth wedding anniversary on June 9th...the Stud's birthday and father's day are shortly after that, and my father-in-law's birthday is this month. Not to mention my two other brother-in-law's and a nephew you who all share the stud's birthday (My mom has it so easy..all her son-in-law's birthdays being the same day).
   Lots of changes happening this month. First of all, I completed another month of NaBloPoMo successfully thanks to all of your amazing support..so thank you all. I will be taking a break from the whole Nablopomo thing for a while, but I will still try to provide almost daily content.
   Secondly, I want to try a little something different with my Thirsty Thursdays. I want to hear from all of you and want your best, funniest, or worst drunk stories. I will post them every Thursday either with a link to your blog or anonymously if you prefer. I want a story and most importantly..what you were drinking.....I think this could be fun. If you have a drunk story that you want to share....maybe about a "good friend of yours who you once knew a long time ago, but is in no way you", or maybe even one about you.....wink wink.... please email me at mycomfyescape@gmail.com.
   More changes are ahead, but we'll cross that troll bridge when we get to it. Enjoy the rest of your first day of June! Cheers!